Underling's Lair

Long Time...No Post

2006-05-02T20:35:00.000-05:00

Okay...at the urging of Mr. Matt...whose quiet voice was heard across the internet, I suppose I can take a few minutes out of my evening and put up an entry here...lol

Life is, as they say, good. I have forever left behind my cute little apartment and now live in a beautiful house with my sweet boyfriend and our two dogs. Big steps and a little adjustment was necessary...so this month has been filled to the brim with adventures...

I just can't think of any to tell you about right now. But, I'm alive, I'm well and I'm just out of things to say...

I probably won't be around much anymore...at least not on here. I'll still be around on the old e-mail and such...but I wouldn't count on this space for updates any time soon...(as most of you have probably stopped checking anyway).

Love to all of you...

Seacrest out...

Hard month

2006-03-02T12:58:00.000-06:00

Hello all.

It's been a weird and somewhat difficult month around the lair. I've been gearing up for my move this month, and that's involved a lot of tough discussions and decisions about what of each of our things stays or goes. It can lead to some tense moments, let me tell you.

All of this lead up to me giving my 30 day notice to my landlord yesterday. So, I've been added onto the other lease for 04/01/06 and there's really no turning back at this point.

In the midst of all of this, my 93 year old grandmother become seriously ill again and then passed away last Thursday.

My mother and father and I were with her when she passed away. And what a weird feeling that was, to actually be in the room with a person when they pass from life. There was literally a moment that I just simply knew that she was gone.

In a lot of ways, her death is a relief. She'd been very ill, suffering from late stage Alzheimer's and was not herself to begin with. It was still sad to say goodbye. But I think it's a good thing in the end. After all, she was married to my grandfather for 40 years and hasn't seen him since he passed in 1985...so they were due for some time together.

So, I've spent more than a few days off of work and am still trying to get myself back into the routine around here.

But, life goes on...I'll start the packing process this next week...and by April 1st, I'll be residing with my boyfriend.

Exciting, really.

See you around...

Still sick, but getting better

2006-02-10T10:07:00.000-06:00

Hello to all.

I've been a bit under the weather with the flu for the past few weeks. It started out slowly and has gone through a number of different phases. I'm currently working to shake the final round (cold and sinus infection).

To top things off, for two of the last three weeks my dear Joe has been out of town on business. So, it's just been me and the dog laying on the couch.

I'm very excited to see him tonight. I pick Joe up from the airport at about 9:00...and I can hardly wait. I've missed him terribly this week. Terribly.

Things are now in place for me to move in April. I'll be sad to give up the sweetest apartment I've ever lived in, but I'll be giving it up to live in a real house with a yard and with the sweetest man in the world.

Family stuff has blown up a bit as well the last few weeks. My grandmother became very ill and spent more than a week in the hospital, but still did not die. I swear to god, I hope I have that much strength of will in my life.

My father went through a very difficult time with his employers, but has emerged unscathed. Unfortunately, I think he's fed up enough at this point that he'll probably retire at the end of the year, and then the Edmond Public school district will lose the best Special Ed teacher they've ever had.

Anyway...life just goes on. I'm back at work today for my only full day this week...and am struggling to function on sinus medication...but I'll hack it.

Surviving the Wildfires...

2006-01-03T13:35:00.000-06:00

If you turned on CNN or Fox News this weekend, you certainly saw the footage of the fires burning out of control all over the state of Oklahoma.

Just wanted to let you all know that we all survived the fires here.

The news stations didn't do a very good job of reporting the actual state of affairs on Sunday night. In fact, Fox news made it seem that downtown OKC was in immediate danger of burning to the ground...it wasn't.

I mean, yes, the wind could have shifted and blown the fires directly to the downtown area and my neighborhood...but not very likely.

Most of the fires around the OKC metro area were far out on the eastern outskirts of town....where the houses that burned were about the only things out there.

Still, it was frightening and more than a little wierd to see my city the focus of national attention for most of the weekend. Twice in the last 10 years OKC has been the focus of national news. There was the May 3rd, 1999 tornado and there was also the bombing back in 1995. So, seeing the word Oklahoma City on the TV screen was mildly disconcerting. Brings back wired memories.

New Years was a blast...and there will be more to write soon, but I must get started on some work. I was already late to work today because I overslept by about 4 hours...so I should get cracking...

I'm still living...

2005-12-20T14:27:00.000-06:00

I really didn't intend for this blog to become a once a week thing, but as I told Matt via e-mail yesterday, I've just been going like crazy these past few weeks (months) and when I actually find myself at home, there is generally a dog running through the dining room and a boyfriend sitting on the couch...so it's tough to sit down and write like I want to.

I do find time every once in a while at the office, and I'll open up the new post page and then stare blankly at the screen until my phone rings, interrupts me and causes me to forget I'm even logged in here.

The last two weeks have been very social...more social than I've had to be in a long time. There have been several X-mas parties, a few drink get-togethers, and more dinners out to celebrate various things.

I did survive Joe's latest trip out of town...only to find out he has to go back again the first week of January and the second week of February. But I think at the end of his trip in February I might fly out and meet him halfway in Phoenix and visit with some friends of his for the weekend...we'll see if my money will hold out for that though...lol.

Navigating the relationship waters these last few months have been interesting. It's not effortless this time, but it's a lot easier than it's ever been in the past. I feel good about this.

I'm still actively job searching...but not going to work with the headhunter I met with. They wanted a truly ridiculous amount of money...even knowing how little I make right now. I literally laughed at the recruiter when she told me what their fee would be. I think she was a little offended.

In other news:

Christmas promises to be interesting. My sisters are (I guess) not speaking right now. So the family will apparently not be celebrating as one big group this year. I guess that on Friday night the family that will be in and around OKC will get together to visit and exchange gifts. Then my parents will go on Saturday to my older sister's house and do Christmas with her family.

I could go, but I'm not going to. Although my older sister most certainly thinks this is because I'm angry with her about the fight she's having with the other sister, the truth of the matter is, I simply don't want to spend 6 hours of my Christmas day in my car alone driving to and from her home in BFE.

Instead, Joe and I plan to spend a quiet Christmas eve and morning together and then attend a party a friend of his is giving on Sunday night. I'm really looking forward to it.

Speaking of which, I need to pick up a few more things for his gifts. I have one of the items I wanted to get, but am still lacking the rest. I should really get off my ass today and get out of the office early and take care of it...but I am managing to be a bit lazy about it.

Well, anyway...that's my for now. Hopefully something more interesting will happen or I'll make more time to write and actually remember things I want to post on here.

Peace out!

Song lyric of the day...

2005-12-14T14:05:00.000-06:00

From Belle and Sebastian's "Get me away from here I'm dying":

Oh, I’ll settle down with some old story
About a boy who’s just like me
Thought there was love in everything and everyone
You’re so naive!
They always reach a sorry ending
They always get it in the end
Still it was worth it as I turned the pages solemnly, and then
With a winning smile, the poor boy
With naivety succeeds
At the final moment, I cried
I always cry at endings

Been listening to their 1996 album "If you're feeling sinister" this afternoon at work and I just love this particular verse...makes me smile.

The weather outside is frightful...

2005-12-07T11:02:00.000-06:00

...but the wall furnace is so delightful.

Yes, winter has come at long last to Oklahoma. Thirty minutes were spent yesterday morning scraping a half inch of frost off of my cars windows.

This morning the temperatures were well below freezing (like 15 degrees...and that's freakin' cold here)with a wind chill below zero.

A few minutes ago I walked over to Target to get a can of soup (seems like a soup for lunch day) and the first snowflakes started falling.

So, I'm going to leave the office at 4:30 and go pick up Joe's dog and then head home and make a big pot of tortilla soup. Then I'm going to curl up on the couch with the dog and watch a movie and keep warm.

I love this time of year.

(FYI: When I ran spell check it suggested that I replace the word "freakin'" with "foreskin". That would have given that sentance a really wierd twist, don't you think?)

Home Alone

2005-12-05T21:42:00.000-06:00

For the first time in weeks, I'm facing an entire evening to myself.

Joe is off on business, out of the state.

I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself.

I miss him.

Why is it over?

2005-11-28T08:39:00.000-06:00

This past weekend was amazing.

Despite the fact that I didn't see any of my family for the holiday (my parents went to Wyoming to see my sister and her family), I got to spend the entire long weekend with Joe. And it was incredible.

On Wednesday night we went to the store and then came home to prepare the dishes we were taking to dinner on Thursday. Then a few of his friends came over and we sat around and killed a bottle of wine and chatted late into the night, so late in fact that one of his friends had to stay in the spare bedroom.

Thursday we spent the afternoon at the home of a friend of Joe's. A few weeks back he had hosted a baby shower for her, so her mother insisted that we come over for Thanksgiving dinner. These were some of the nicest most genuine people I've ever met. And even cooler was to be in the home of a family much like my own. After dinner Joe and I sat on the couch together like an actual couple and we were made to feel completely comfortable.

Later that day we headed back home and napped in front of the TV...and headed out for Cheeseburgers from Braums at about 9:00. We were in bed by 10:30 and slept hard all night.

Got to hang out and just be lazy on Friday and Saturday...and then yesterday afternoon headed out and saw Rent at the theater. I LOVED it! The stage version will always be my favorite...but it was still an incredible film to see.

I was most excited to actully see Wilson Jermaine Heredia as Angel. Angel is my favorite character in the show...and I lost it as I always do when I hear Jesse Martin sing "I'll Cover You" at the funeral.

So it was a pretty damn good weekend.

And it was harder than hell getting up to go to work today...but I managed to get up and iron my shirt and get dressed and then drag my ass in here.

I can hardly wait for Christmas and New Years...

Losing Sleep

2005-11-23T13:56:00.000-06:00

Hello Sports Fans...I know I'm a bad blogger right now. But apparently I'm a bad brother and a bad friend as well.

For the past two months I've been entirely wrapped up in my own shit. I don't talk on the phone anymore, I don't return calls...I'm just in my own little world.

And it's not a bad thing necessarily. I'm not going through a long dark night of the soul or anything like that. I'm just really enjoying spending time with Joe and exploring this new relationship. There are lots of things to learn and experience.

Like the loss of sleep, for example.

Just a few minutes ago I woke up from a thirty minute nap...trouble is, I'm sitting at my desk at work.

You see...I seem to be getting less sleep lately. I think it might be a mixture or several elements, but number one is that I'm no longer on a set bedtime routine...

You see, up to a few weeks ago, I'd finally managed to keep myself on a schedule of going to bed at 10:30 and getting up at 5:45...but that changes every day now. Some nights we might go to bed at 10:00...other nights we might be up hanging out with friends at the bar until 12:00...and I still have to get up at 5:45...

Then on Monday night, Joe's dog got out of the backyard at like 11:15...and we ended up driving around searching for her until nearly 3:00 am. We never did find her...and I managed to convince Joe that we needed to just get some sleep and see if the dogs came back in the morning.

We had been asleep for about 20 minutes when the dog was back in the backyard barking to be let in. So, we ended up getting a total of about 3 hours sleep before work.

So, my sleeping is a little off...and it's making work nearly unbearable...that and the fact that I'm back to just straight up hating my job.

But other than that...all is well in the world. My parents are off to Wyoming to spend Thanksgiving with my little sister and her husband...leaving my brother and I free to spend the holiday with out boyfriends without having to turn it into the Beard Family's Gayest Thanksgiving ever...

So, I'm going to sit at my desk for a few more hours listening to "Bitch and Animal" and try try try to stay awake.

Seacrest Out!

I Want to Hate Rosario Dawson...and other musings

2005-11-09T11:05:00.000-06:00

So, yesterday I was finally able to buy the movie soundtrack for "Rent". I've been really excited about the movie version of this musical, and after reading some reviews on Amazon.com, I decided to give the soundtrack a listen.

First of all, let me say that I am very sad that for whatever reason Daphne Rubin Vega was unable to do the film. I love her as Mimi...'

...and I was fully prepared to HATE Rosario Dawson...but after listening to the album, I kinda like her as Mimi. In "Light My Candle" she give the best delivery of the line "They say that I have the best ass below 14th Street, is it true?" Very sexy.

But on the whole I'm unimpressed with the new version. While musically it's good...it just doesn't have the same raw energy of the original Broadway album. I realize that it's been produced for Hollywood...but some of my favorite bits have apparently just been cut out entirely. But, I'll still see the film.

Speaking of films...I took next Friday off so I can spend the afternoon taking in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I'm incredibly excited about this film. Goblet is my favorite of the books...so I'm looking forward to seeing the screen adaptation and then bitching about it afterwards.

In other news...

Yesterday I finally filled my gas tank for less than $20. Yes, gasoline in Oklahoma City can now be purchased at some stations for less than $2/gallon. I was very excited as the past few months it's been almost too expensive to drive. I've had to shop for groceries at a store I don't even like (Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market just west of Penn) to save on driving the extra 4 miles to Crest Foods down on Meridian. Now I can drive to the store I really want to shop at.

And speaking of shopping, we went to Bed Bath & Beyond last night. I am now officially in love with that store. After about an hour of searching Joe managed to find a full sheet set of 300 thread count sateen sheets for me for only $20. I was amazed...I then had to go and buy some extra pillowcases as well, as the set only had 2...and after I got home and made up the bed with the new sheets, I realized that the color was a little off from my comforter...so I'm going to go back and find a duvet to match. :-)

Anyway...I've been so caught up at work for the last week that I've had very little to do. So, I figured I should take the chance while I could to update here. I'm going to go back to twiddling my thumbs and attempting to look busy.

Later...

Some pictures...

2005-11-06T17:35:00.001-06:00

Helen and her Uncle

This is me and Boo (Helen) on my trip to Wyoming last month. She was actually nice to me the entire time...seemed to even know who I was. Amazingly, this child acted like I was death itself when she lived five minutes from me

2005-11-06T17:35:00.000-06:00

Helen Kissing Philip

I personally think this is one of the sweetest pictures ever...

2005-11-06T17:32:00.002-06:00

My new nephew

Here's Philip, the newest addition to my family. He's the little guy I drove 18 hours to see a few weeks ago.

Isn't he cute?

Beautiful

2005-10-30T01:56:00.000-06:00

I'm watching my boy and his dog, Madie, sit in my dining room as my boy eats some dinner after the Halloween party tonight.

He is so cute...and the puppy, Madie, is the first animal ever allowed into my space.

I guess that's a testament to how much I like her father.

An Update from Underling

2005-10-28T11:18:00.000-05:00

Okay, the week is over now, and I've properly processed last weeks drama. I feel a lot better now, but I've just felt so out of it for most of the week that I really didn't feel up to posting.

Plus, I've been caught up in a new thing lately, and this new thing is blissfully taking up a lot of my time.

So, things, though rocky last week, are good.

We found out yesterday that the Director has once again authorized a $1000 bonus for all employees. In addition, front line worker like myself are being given another 2% pay increase effective January 1. So, there's that little silver lining to look forward to.

I've applied for a supervisory position at another office, and I'm trying not to get my hopes up. But If I could continue to work for the department without a caseload, and instead manage people instead of paper, I think I would be a much happier camper.

Things on the home front are great. Although Joe is going out of town on business next week and I will miss him terribly, I think it will be a chance for me to get my routine straightened out and spend some time getting caught up with my netflix and my DVR'd tv shows.

I started back to the gym on Wednesday. I had to pull out for a while due to my trip and before that a pulled muscle in my chest. But I made it back in Wednesday and yesterday and managed to make it through my entire set without killing myself.

However, I will once again point out that the locker room at the YMCA is not my favorite place in the world. So, I've taken to wearing my gym clothes to the gym (despite the cold) and changing/showering when I get home to minimize my exposure to the locker room antics that take place there.

You see, about a month ago I picked up what I call a "Puppydog" at the gym. This is a guy who follows me around, lurking beside equipment, followed me to the showers, and god help me if I tried to take a steam...So I've decided that avoidance is the best answer.

Well, that's about it for me...

Oh, and as a side note...in case you missed it in the news, apparently George Takei (Yes, Sulu from Star Trek) has finally decided to come out and admit to what I figured out about him when I was 12. He's a big old 'mo. Apparently though, he's been with his partner for 18 years...which id something that I aspire to myself (you know...lifelong monogamy)...so good for him.

Peace out, sports fans...

Thank God for Oklahoma

2005-10-23T13:36:00.000-05:00

I'm back.

I came back a day early.

There was some drama, not of my making, that necessitated an early return.

So, at 10:00 yesterday morning I forced my older sister and her bags into my car and started the return journey to Oklahoma.

I got a fucking speeding ticket on I-70 about 40 miles into Kansas. Kansas Hi-Po can kiss my hairy white ass.

Got my sister dropped off at her house at about 12:15 last night and then made the three hour drive home from Alva. Upon arrival, I took a shower and then dropped into bed, where I stayed for a good 9 hours.

And the drama continues to unfold. I'll not go into details here, but sometimes family shit can be incredibly tough to deal with.

This whole situation is out of control and I just want to put my fingers in my ears and run screaming in the opposite direction.

But, Thank GOD I'm back home. I stayed at Joe's last night and then came home to my place about 20 minutes ago.

I was greeted by a cut off notice from the electric company, because they were slow in processing my payment again.

But everything is where I left it. No one broke in. I was not robbed.

So, I'm reasonably happy.

Now...to do the laundry...ugh...

What Hell Is This???

2005-10-20T15:02:00.001-05:00

Well, Sports Fans. I'm in Rock Springs, Wyoming.

And it only took me 18 hours to get here.

I won't go into too many details, but I left OKC at noon yesterday and got in to my sister's house at 6:15 this morning...then I made a few phone calls and prmptly fell into bed.

I'm sure there are many funny little stories I could tell you about the car ride here...but mostly, I'm just pissed at how long the drive took.

And knowing that I have to drive back to OKC on Sunday...now I just want to cry. I don't ever want to be in my car for that long ever again.

Well, I"m off to shower and shave and then see this little town.

By the way...my new baby nephew, Philip, is just the cutest little thing. And Helen, as always, is the snottiest little one year old in the world.

Talk later...

Friday Night

2005-10-17T19:53:00.000-05:00

This past Friday was the Second Annual "Girlie Show". It was a showcase set up last year to highlight local female artists and give them an inclusive venue to display and sell their art.

This year it took place at the old Farmer's Market downtown. It was an incredible night. There were so many people there...it was like being in an actual city...something I kept saying to Joe while we were there.

I bumped into a few co-workers, a few old friends...and as always happens in a city as small as OKC, a few people I didn't want to see. For example, I saw Blake. Blake was a guy two years behind me in high school who took something I told him in confidence and used it against me...by outing me to the entire school my Junior year. Because he was a big old flaming fag himself, I guess he hoped it would deflect attention away from himself...it didn't.

I still wasn't happy to see him...nearly 11 years after the incident. I tend to hold grudges.

We also bumped into my brother and his boyfriend Travis. That was a really nice surprise, as they've heard a lot about Joe, and actually got to meet him.

But all in all, it was a really fun time. I bought a photo from Joe's friend Ashley, and then when we met her and her girlfriend for drinks on Saturday I told her I would buy as many others like it as she had.

It's a small 5x7 matted and framed of an old chapel in New Mexico. I love it and have decided that more b&w old church photos are just what I want to use to finish decorating my bedroom.

Well...I'm off to watch last night's Desperate Housewives. The DVR has made me lazy...I never watch shows on time anymore...lol

Some Updates

2005-10-16T20:11:00.000-05:00

Okay folks...I've been away a few days...been busy. ;-)

So, here are a few little stories from my weekend:

Stalked for a Haircut

So, on Friday I had an appointment to get a haircut. It was with a new stylist I've not seen before, so I left the office earlier than I needed to so I'd be sure and be on time.

On my way to my appointment, I stopped at 50 Penn Place to go into the bank branch there and make my car payment. As I approached the door a guy asked me for a light. I offered him my lighter, and then as is common in the Universal Brotherhood of Smokers, stood there and chatted amicably with him for about 5 minutes while I finished my cigarette.

I then ventured inside and made my payment. As I exited the bank, I saw the same guy hanging around outside the entrance to the bank. I went on about my business and eventually made my way back out to the parking lot to drive the four or so miles to the salon for my appointment.

As I was getting in my car, I saw the same guy making a beeline out of the doors towards the parking lot. I drove off and went on about my business.

About 45 minutes later, As I sat in the chair, my hair damp from my wash, draped for a haircut, the door opened to the salon and the guy from 50 Penn Place was standing in the doorway, asking if he could get his haircut.

Thankfully, all the stylists were booked and he left.

I quickly recounted my story for the assembled party...all of them properly aghast.

Then as I prepared to leave, I looked out the door to see him sitting behind the wheel of his car...waiting for me!!!

So, I stepped out and as I was getting into my car, he rolled down his window and asked "want to go to my place?"

I said no...obviously...and got into my car to leave.

He took off out of the lot at top speed...and I went back inside the salon to tell them all what had transpired...

I spent the rest of the afternoon looking over my shoulder in the car...watching for his car.

Freaked me out...

Wow...that took longer to tell than I had anticipated...so I'll close for now, and return with more tomorrow.

I will be gone later this week. My little sister gave birth to her second child on Wednesday...so I'm driving to Wyoming this week to see her family...fun...

Anyway...time to call a friend...

Talk to you all later...

Revising History

2005-10-11T15:22:00.000-05:00

This week I've been re-reading George Orwell's "1984". One of the things that has always fascinated me about the story is Winston's work in constantly revising the history of Oceania by rewriting and refiling newspaper articles from the past.

It's gotten me thinking this week about how reliable our own memories of past events can be. For example, you could have a memory of an event that involves yourself and a friend or friends. Perhaps you have a pleasant memory of this event. Perhaps joyous even.

But does everyone involved in that memory see it the same way in their mind's eye? What if one of your friends was anxious that evening. How is their memory altered by their frame of mind the night the event took place. Certainly they'd remember different aspects of the event. But, whose memory is accurate?

I recently read a retelling of an event that involved myself. And while the facts of the matter are absolutely correct, the tone of that memory, while lighthearted and joyous in the voice of the teller, is somewhat different and darker in my mind.

It's one of those times when you read something or see something...and it seems different...and you want to scream "That's not what happened!"

But, the memory cheats. What is true for me about my memory may not be true for you. Even if you experienced that moment with me.

So, who is right? Whose memory is correct?

Thoughts? Musings? Insults?

Peace out, Sports Fans!

Tuesday Morning

2005-10-11T06:36:00.000-05:00

Oh...I wish I could have just stayed put this morning. I wish I hadn't needed to get up and come home so early to shower and go to work.

Sometimes my job really puts a damper on my life.

But, I suppose we all have to do the adult thing from time to time and ear our living.

Still waiting on news from my little sister. She still hasn't had her baby...but her 1 year old, Helen, is now taking steps on her own. How fun it's going to be for her to have one up and walking and a newborn at the same time.

Well, it's really time for a shower now...then work. Ugh! Don't wanna go to work...

It's been a long time...

2005-10-10T06:37:00.000-05:00

...since I've felt genuinely happy.

I'm genuinely happy this morning. I won't bore you with details. I'll just say that I had the most phenomenal weekend. And the good parts lasted right up until about 10 minutes ago.

I have to leave for the office now...but I'm leaving with a smile on my face.

:-)

Sprint PCS Can Kiss My Ass!!!

2005-10-01T20:45:00.000-05:00

Okay...so Sprint PCS and Nextel have merged.

I get my first bill from the new Sprint and it's showing usage nearly double what I am normally billed for.

Now, last month was not an unusual month for me phone wise. I didn't really spend anymore time on the phone than I normally do.

But, Somehow according to Sprint, I not only went over my normal usage of about 600 of my 1000 anytime minutes...I used 98 minutes over my 1000 minutes.

So, I had to order a detailed statement to go through all the calls and see.

And I don't think my usage is any different than it has been before.

But...all of a sudden there are literally hundreds of both incoming and outgoing calls for 1 minutes each.

I think something somewhere as been changed in this little merger, and we the consumers are not being told about it.

I have never paid for a first minute in all the years I've had a cell. I didn't pay with AT&T, I didn't pay with Cingular...and up till this month, I firmly believe I have not been charged for a first minute with Sprint.

So I went through the bill and added up all the first minute charges...sure enough...without those minutes, my usage is exactly what it always is, around 650 minutes.

My original contract with Sprint does not specify in writing that first minutes are not charged, but I was told when I signed my contract that that was so standard as to be understood. I was told I would not be charged for first minutes.

But now I am...and I ripped some girl in India a new hole because of it.

Also, another fun thing Sprint does...on the detailed bill, they just list the word "incoming" for an incoming call. There is no way for me to get a bill that actually shows the number of that incoming call. So, how can I possibly contest any of it.

They also have me taking and making 60-90 minute calls while I'm at work and my phone is in my pocket...or while I'm at the gym and my phone is locked in my apartment.

I don't believe a bit of it...and boy am I pissed.

The girl I talked to tonight told me that they would be investigating my bill and see what they could come up with.

Whatever...they're going to come back and tell me they there's nothing they can do...and that I'm going to end up owning them money.

And I just signed another two year contract.

I'm sooooo pissed.

Fall is here...

2005-09-29T06:47:00.000-05:00

Yesterday a cold front moved in. It is wonderful.

When I went to dinner last night, it was normal outside. When we left the restaurant to walk around downtown it was almost cold outside. This morning it is 52 degrees outside.

I get to wear a sweater to work today.

This is my favorite time of year.

The Weekend News

2005-09-27T14:23:00.000-05:00

Okay...so now that that's out of the way...

Had a somewhat busy weekend. After the gym, Friday night was spent in my recliner watching the first four episodes of Rome. Love it! I'm very very impressed with the show...and James Purefoy as Marc Anthony...fuck!

Saturday morning was spent at the gym and running errands and the evening was all about work at the restaurant.

Sunday was hellish. Got up at 7:00 so I could go to the 8:30 service at church (something I'm reintroducing to my life) and then drove up to meet my parents.

You see, we've officially sold the house my grandmother lived in for the last 30 years. We now have only a few weeks to clear out 30 years worth of crap. And this woman has saved everything. It was a nice look into the future...we'll be doing the same thing for my mother's house when the time comes...

I even found, at one point, an entire box of used nylons. Why?

So, we're going through stuff, throwing away a fair amount and listening to my mother cry all day long.

See, my grandmother isn't dead. Her mind is just gone...and she's being moved into the Alzheimer's care unit at the nursing home next week. So, it's been a very difficult time for my mom.

But I found some wonderful things to keep. I got the old Radio console that has fascinated me since I was 3. I got the huge wood framed mirror that was hanging in the hall.

I got my grandmother's cutting board. I found a box of letters from my mother to my grandmother that span the first 10 years of my parents marriage. I found letters from my uncle to my grandmother from the like 12 days he spent in the Navy.

And I found a box, tied up in her closet, that is filled with every drawing card and letter that myself and my siblings gave to my grandmother. And each piece is labeled on the back with the name and the date the she received it.

So, emotionally drained, I got home just before 8:00...and completely forgetting that I had promised my friend Randall that I would watch it at his house, I crashed in my chair and watched desperate Housewives. After that I went through my DVR list and found the new episode of Rome and watched it while I had a glass of wine.

Barely made it to work yesterday morning on time...and was two hours late this morning.

But...I'm on week 4 of my gym project and have only missed one day. I'm starting to see real results in my arms...so I now have a visible motivation for going every day.

Anyway...I really should get back to work...

Seacrest Out!

I WANT MY FOUR YEARS BACK!!!

2005-09-20T13:30:00.000-05:00

So, Saturday the 17th marked my fourth anniversary as an employee of the great state of Oklahoma.

It's official. I've been giving out food stamps for longer than I went to college.

How do I feel about this? Well, I really hate my job. I've hated it most every day since 09/17/01 when I started. I hate getting up in the morning and coming into the fucking office to be screamed and cursed at. I'm tired of trying to help people while just being accused of being lazy.

I'm sick of watching perfectly healthy adults sit on their ass and live off the system for years at a time simply because they had the means to reproduce.

I would love to get out of here and do something else. I would love to actually get back into school and finish my master's degree.

But this place has sapped me of my energy...as much as I hate it...I don't seem to mind it anymore. I come in...I do my work...it's all pretty brainless. It's convenient. It's easy. It's become routine.

But one day soon I'll snap...go berserk...and god help those around me when it happens...because heads will roll.

Corn Pads and Growing Older

2005-09-18T23:12:00.000-05:00

Good Evening Sports Fans...

Today I finally had to take that leap into adulthood. I had to purchase a package of corn pads.

I'm officially old. Despite my age...I'm an old man with corns...or to be more precise, a corn...on one of my toes...

And it hurts like a motherfucker...

I hope to be rid of it soon...but as it't the third time it's reared it's ugly head...I'm not hopefu...
In other news...

The Pilot returns in two days...woo-hoo...I can hardly wait. Want to get to hear his voice on a non international call...

Well gotta run... 5:45 am is just a little bit away...need my sleep...

I'm out, sports fans...

Pat Robertson - King of Batshit

2005-09-15T12:59:00.000-05:00

"This is the second time in a row that God has invoked a disaster shortly before lesbian Ellen Degeneres hosted the Emmy Awards," Robertson explained to his approximately one million viewers. "America is waiting for her to apologize for the death and destruction that her sexual deviance has brought onto this great nation."

Who knew that Ellen Degeneres' Vagina was so powerful.

We should all be afraid...very afraid...

Ellen obviously has it in her power to bring about the destruction of our entire world.

Hey Pat, maybe you should ask the goverment to assassinate her?

(okay...so he didn't really say this...it was an onion-like parody article...but it totally sounds like something he would say, doesn't it?)

Thunderstorms, Clocks and Old Houses

2005-09-15T09:38:00.000-05:00

So, last night we had an awesome thunderstorm here in Oklahoma City...really it was most of the state that experienced the storm, but I only care about me. :-)

It was so nice. I sat out and read while it rained and thundered...it was beautiful.

However, sometime shortly after I retired to bed, the power went out for an unknown period of time. You know what that means?

That's right...Underling woke up about 30 minutes after he was supposed to be at work.

One of the tough things about living in a home that was built prior to WWI is that the wiring is old, and the power lines, rather than being protected like in new home, stretch right across the back yard to the pole in the alley...so if I sneeze in my driveway in the direction of the lines, my power will flicker.

And why is it that every other morning of the year I will wake up 30 minutes before my alarm goes off. But, the one day that my alarm doesn't sound...I sleep like a baby...

It was okay, really. I had nothing pressing at work...and it allowed me to be in my car driving to work when the Pilot called me from overseas to say hello. So that was good.

So, my day had begun...work is waiting...will go now...

Sleep Problems...

2005-09-12T06:07:00.000-05:00

I've been an insomniac since my early teen years. I've been one of those guys who would lay awake for hours and hours really wanting to fall asleep but never quite able to get there. Then, right about the time I would need to get out of bed I'd start to drift off...

This is still a problem. It's probably the biggest contributor to why I like the drink so much. But, the drink is a part of the past for now...so I've been faced with a new challenge...how to fall asleep.

I talked it over with the head doctor last week and he suggested that the problem with sleeping can be solved as easily through change of routine and attitude as it can be with prescriptions/chemicals. So he made a few suggestions...and I'll be damned...he was right.

I gave myself a consistent bedtime. I have a new nightly regime I must accomplish before bedtime...and I have a cup of tea (green with chamomile) when I've finished. And finally, I get in bed when I truly start to feel sleepy. Then I can leave my lamp on and try to read a few pages...and I'm generally out...

But what sucks is that now I'm waking up even earlier.

This morning, I was up and eating breakfast when my alarm finally went off. I tried to lay in bed and wait for it...but I just felt like a slug laying there, so I finally got up and around. Now I'm sitting here with an hour to kill before I can even leave for my office.

I mean, I still have to shower and shave...but come on...on a slow day that only takes like 15 minutes for me...and I've got a lot of time to kill.

So, I need to find something more to do to fill up my mornings before work, or else I'll break down and buy cigarettes and chain smoke on my balcony...and no good can come of that.

So, I'll go and finish getting ready for the day...

I'm just afraid I'm turning into a morning person...and I really don't like morning people. :-)

Later...

Good Morning

2005-09-10T12:34:00.000-05:00

So, another Saturday morning is upon us.

I woke up at 5:30 and laid in bed for about 15 minutes before drifting back to sleep.

When my alarm went off at 9:00 I was up and ready. I grabbed my bag and headed down the street to the gym. The gym I work out at, The OKC Downtown YMCA, is just 16 blocks south of my house. But of course, I still drive there. I'm not walking into downtown...that's just not happening.

So, I got there, relaxed in the sauna for about 10 minutes while it was totally deserted. Then I made my way out to the workout floor.

Apparently the sauna was deserted because, presumably, the entire population of Oklahoma City was on the workout floor waiting for equiptment. I logged into the system and set to work, one leg machine, one arm machine...back and forth through my sets. Until finally nearly 2 hours later I was finished with my workout.

A workout that's supposed to take 45 minutes...

So, I went to take a shower. I was enjoying the feel of the shower spray on my neck and back when I noticed that the old man across the shower room was taking a little too much care in washing his crotch. After he had soaped it up for something like the eighth time, I decided that was my cue to get the hell out of Dodge.

So, I changed into my normal clothes and headed back home where I made a real breakfast. I was starved by the time I got home, and having not had a cigarette today, felt the need to eat a lot. So, one bowl or grits with cheese, two eggs, six slices of bacon and two pieces of toast washed down with three cups of milk later, my appetite is satisfied and I can now retreat to my bedroom to read until time for work.

I'm trying to fill the day as much as possible so I won't have time to think about smoking. I seems to be working.

So, I'm going to go read some more. I've gotten about halfway through David Eggars "Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius", and as this is my third attempt to complete the book, I am committed to finishing it before the weekend is over.

Well, Hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I'm certainly enjoying mine so far.

Later, Sports Fans...

Good News...

2005-09-07T21:15:00.000-05:00

Well, the hospital released my nephew today. He was doing much better. They decided early on that it wasn't an impaction, but still have no real diagnosis. At this point they feel like it is something viral that was attacking his stomach. But, they know not...fuckin' doctors...most of the time, they're as clueless as we are.

So, I'm very relieved.

Today after therapy I went to the gym to set up a new work out routine (one I'll hopefully stick to) with the trainer there. All went well and the set up only took about 30 minutes. After that I was able to complete my other two sets in about a half an hour...so I'm looking at about a 45 minute weight workout every day along with my 45 minutes of (walking) cardio.

I know it was a good workout because it hurts to type right now. I hit my arms really hard tonight...as that's one of the areas I want to focus on more...and knew they could take more weight, so I asked him if I could increase his recommendation by 10 lbs...and he allowed it.

I'm going to be doing the gym thing every day after work except for Thursdays and then on Saturday mornings. That'll give me 5 days a week to start.

So, I'm happy to finally have that set up and ready to go. It's one of those things I've been meaning to do for months and have just kept putting off...but with my walking recently and the massive reduction in smoking, I really felt like it was something I needed to incorporate now rather than put it off for a few more months.

Well, I need to soak in the tub for a while, and then I'm going to read in bed until I fall asleep. Anything it takes to not have a cigarette before bed. I've only had two today and I've been up since 5:30...so I really want to keep that count to two.

Anyway...all of you have a wonderful night and a wonderful day tomorrow...I'll be back in a few days...

Peace

More News from the Weary

2005-09-05T21:44:00.000-05:00

My youngest nephew is back in the hospital. He's four. He was acting strangely last night and then was apparently was in quite a bit of pain this morning, clutching at his stomach.

The trouble with this particular four year old is that he cannot speak, and has a very limited vocabulary in sign language. So, he didn't have any way to explain what was wrong. My sister took him to the doctor, who in turn put them on an ambulance to Children's Hospital here in OKC (a three hour drive).

So, he's in the hospital now, and he's had a CT, and they're pretty sure it is yet another bowel obstruction. Which is not good. He's already had a bowel resection after the last obstruction ended up killing a god amount of tissue. So, he's down there with an IV in his little hand just waiting for the doctor's to figure out what the hell they're gonna do.

Luckily, Children's Hospital is less than a mile from my house, so as soon as I got a room number from my mom, I drove down there to see him. He was his normal sweet self, smiling and being calm, but it was clear he was in pain. Poor little guy.

So, now we wait. There's a possibility of surgery in the morning...we're not sure.

I'm sick of seeing and hearing about sick little kids. It shouldn't ever happen to any of us, but things like this should never happen to kids.

bahh...I'm going to do some ironing...stop thinking about it for a while.

Love for Alan Dershowitz

2005-09-05T17:08:00.000-05:00

Read this

I love this guy!

Cracked

2005-09-05T13:58:00.000-05:00

I cracked last night, under the strain. By 1:00 am I was feeling very sad and lonely and was trying to sleep, but this great huge snake inside me didn't want me to sleep.

So, I left the house and bought a pack. Smoked a few. Fell asleep, and now feel like total shit. It's like I just through away the entire weekend of not smoking, cause now that shit is back in my system...arrrgggh.

But I'm back on board, as of now.

Damn it...this is so hard...it's almost too hard.

Anyway...in other news, I went out for a walk again last night. The temperature has been so nice these past few days. So I walked for about an hour last night. Stopped and gawked at some of the houses...and generally had a good time. Came home, ate some dinner, watched Family Guy, and then sat up online for a bit.

Returned to the TV where I watched some Doctor Who, then came back in and chatted with Eric on yahoo. It was 11:00 at night for me, 10:00 in the morning for him.

It's weird talking to someone in another time zone. I'm trying to wrap my head around the time concept. Chatted with Poet this morning and had to make him tell me what time it was in England so I could have a reference point.

I know how it all works in theory and understand the difference in time zones, but when it comes down to it...there's something weird about talking to someone who's already living the next day.

Or maybe I'm just really weird.

Anyway...need to grad lunch out of the oven. Baked pasta with Chicken, Broccoli and alfredo sauce...mmmmm... Then I'm out to walk for the rest of the afternoon.

See you all later.

Eating everything in site..

2005-09-04T17:35:00.000-05:00

I can't stop eating.

In a bid to keep my mouth occupied in the absence of smoking, I've been eating.

And eating. And eating...

I've had so much food today already...and I just made and ate a pan of brownies as well.

I'm going to gain so much weight.

Just ridiculous...

2005-09-02T17:44:00.000-05:00

Okay, so there's been this guy for a few months who's been chatting with me on yahoo. He claimed months ago to know who I was and told me that he had been attracted to me for a while...but wanted to keep his identity a secret for the time being.

Well, that's turned into a few months of this. He claims that he wasn't trying to be mysterious and that he was just chatting with me, not trying to hide his identity.

So, hadn't heard from him in a while. Then this evening, when I got home from work, he sent me a message. In chatting I mentioned dealing with the craving for a ciagrette.

He told me he was a smoker and chose not to associate with non-smokers and since I was quitting, we shouldn't talk anymore.

I asked him if he was being serious. I told him that if he was it was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard.

He then started a discussion about whether I was a dog or a cat person.

I went into my story of having had a dog that I have had to give up to my parents with various moves as I can't pay the pet deposits to keep a large dog indoors and I don't have a yard.

He asked me is the dog (now belonging to my parents) was an indoor or outdoor dog.

I stated that as it was no longer my dog, my parents, that it was now an outdoor dog.

He said "That's strik 2, 3 and 4. Good luck quitting smoking." (or something to that effect.)

I'd finally had enough and said "You know what...fuck off."

Jesus...I just can't help thinking...is this guy for real?

What a lunatic.

How is this normal?

2005-08-31T19:19:00.000-05:00

I just got back from my monthly walk to my landlord's house. Every month, on the last day of the month, I walk to block and a half to my landlord's house to drop off my rent check. It's a pleasant walk, and it saves the gas money.

But tonight is was all so beautiful. I could hear the cicadas in the trees. Every few feet I could smell a different flower. The grass is still a vibrant green (very rare for late August in Oklahoma) and the world seems calm and clear and beautiful.

But I am torn by it. Life viewed from the middle of Oklahoma City on a August night seems so uncomplicated and safe. Aside from the cost of gas, events of around the world have had little impact on my world at large.

I spent the better part of this morning reading news reports from the Gulf Coast online. I've been unable to bring myself to turn on the TV since Sunday afternoon, unwilling to see the devastation wrought by the hurricane.

One of the things I came across today that jarred me the most was a direct account of a friend of a friend on Scott's blog of evacuating from New Orleans.

That and all the stories of people stuck and suffering like we're in a third world country.

One in particular comes to mind. A woman in New Orleans was unable to get herself and her husband evacuated because he was dying of lung cancer. Part way through the day yesterday she realized they were down to one canister of oxygen, the only thing keeping her husband of nearly twenty years alive.

She went out in search of help and returned to find that her husband had died.

And no one could come and take the body.

So, she wrapped his body in sheets and placed him on a makeshift raft of plywood and was steering this makeshift funeral barge down the flooded streets.

Finally help did come to her, and her husband's body was moved. But why did this happen? Why are all these people hurting this way? Why were we not equipped for this disaster? How did we not see it coming?

It makes my evening stroll tonight seem like a luxury. A luxury that I got t have tonight because of what? Chance? Am I merely lucky to have not had the same fate befall me? Are those who are hurt and suffering right now merely unlucky?

I think back the story Scott posted on his blog. I'm sitting right now in my apartment and I'm thinking, what would I take if I had to go? What of my worldly possessions could I not bear to let go?

The little wooden chest that I keep candles and a sage bundle in that my grandfather gave me when I was five?

The huge framed "Scary Jesus" picture that hangs in my dining room now, a relic from my father's old church office?

The framed pictures painted by a grandmother that while living is now so far gone from me that she doesn't know my name?

It's all just so bizarre. The thoughts of today have come crashing down on me this evening, and I just can't seem to soothe the disquiet in my brain.

So instead, I sit, contemplating why.

And outside the cicadas continue to drone.

The Bitch is Back in Town

2005-08-30T23:15:00.000-05:00

So tonight I got a call from my dear friend Alisabeth. In town for some work related activity tomorrow, she wanted to get together for a while.

I got my shit together and picked up my brother and we met her at her hotel.

Had some dinner at Friday's and hung out for a few hours.

It was a good time. Makes me think about all the time we used to waste in coffeeshops together in college. Just sitting, drinking coffee, chain smoking and never once imagining our futures the way they've turned out.

Not that our lives suck, by any means. It's just that we always had loftier goals and visions...and life has, instead, turned out to be rather ordinary.

I think ordinary is good.

I so wish she and her husband would move back to Oklahoma City.

Got an e-mail this afternoon from Eric. He made it to his halfway point in his travel nearly halfway around the globe. He's cooling his heals there for another few days before he ultimately gets to where he's going.

(as an aside...being a pilot must be incredibly cool...get to go all sorts of cool places and see all the things that most people never do...but I don't think I could stand to be away from home that consistently. Would drive me crazy!)

Anyway...got an e-mail from him...made my afternoon, which was an incredibly tedious tobacco free afternoon.

Got home and had two cigarettes. Now I'm punishing myself by not allowing one before bed.

Speaking of bed, I should have been there an hour ago...so I'll end here.

Sweet Dreams, Sports Fans!

A New Page...

2005-08-29T17:43:00.000-05:00

So.

Things are looking up in my world. The past few months have been bizarre in the extreme for me. I started dating again in May. Met a really nice guy. Things didn't work out, but that's life, and I made a friend out of the deal, so that's never a bad thing.

And then last Tuesday I met someone new. And suddenly I'm excited again. I feel like there's still some hope in the world.

And today I started my campaign to quit smoking. So far, here's how it went today.

6:00- Got out of bed (though was up at 4:00, thinking about stuff), showered and dressed.

6:30- Went out on the balcony to read. Did not smoke as had no cigarettes.

7:15- Arrived at work and got quite a few things knocked out.

7:50- Met Rebecca at the door as she was coming into the office. Bummed one smoke off of here while I filled her in on the details of my trip this weekend.

11:15- was at drugstore buying gum...urge to purchase cigarettes overwhelming. Purchased nastiest cigarettes known to man: GPC Menthol Full Flavored. (believe me, ass tastes better.)

11:17- Took two drags off of nastiest cigarette known to man, stubbed it out.

2:25- Braved another nasty cigarette, again, two drags and I was done.

5:00- Stopped at store on way home, brought proper cigarettes.

5:15- Smoked one cigarette on balcony.

Now, I intend on smoking only one more today, right before I go to bed.

My system for tomorrow is as follows. I will take one good cigarette with me to the office. I can smoke it at a time of my choosing, but once it's gone, that's it.
Then once I am home I will smoke one cigarette on the balcony and another just before bed.

I don't really have problems with not smoking at home...except for the after work and before bed cigarettes, so I'll allow myself those. However, work is a problem and I feel like if for the next few days I give myself that one real cigarette to look forward to, I'll be better off.

So. Three cigarettes a day for the next four days. Then for the next seven days after that, two a day. The seven days after that, One a day.

And then none.

I need to do this. I want to do this. And I'm going to make myself stick to it.

I don't even enjoy it anymore. I just do it because I have nothing better to do when I pick up a cigarette. So, I'm just going to do it. I've already limited myself by not allowing myself to smoke in my apartment or my new car...so I know how to handle myself when I start craving.

This will work out for me. Just another change I feel I need to make. I need to finish growing up, and the cigarettes belong in a time for me that is long past.

I'm not 19, sitting in the coffee shop listening to poetry and shitty folk music sung by college trendy lesbians anymore.

So...there's my new leaf, Sports Fans. I'm giving it up. No more smoking for Underling.

Please be as encouraging as possible.

Thanks!

A Busy Weekend

2005-08-28T17:25:00.000-05:00

Hi all!

Hope everyone is well. I've had a long weekend. Squeezed in a lot over the past few days.

On Friday, family started arriving from out of town for my Uncle's memorial service. My father's older brother passed away a little over a month ago. As he lived in Germany, his funeral and burial were there, and none of the family stateside were able to attend. So we had a service at my parent's church yesterday afternoon. Just about 20 family members sharing memories and such. It was a nice tribute.

After the service I came home and packed up a few things and took a drive up to Tulsa to hang out with the Pilot. It was a good time. Watched the movie "The Forgotten", and I think that while I like Julianne Moore that the movie was a steaming pile of unexplained crap.

Got up this morning and drove back to the city, where I did some laundry and then napped.

All in all a good weekend.

But I feel a little sad too.

Songs that Embarrass

2005-08-24T20:37:00.000-05:00

Are there any songs that make you cringe in embarrassment for the artist?

Tonight I was listening to Billboard hits of 1989, and I'd completely forgotten about Donny Osmond's "Soldier of Love" until I heard it again tonight.

Every time I hear it I understand why he started getting nervous in front of crowds.

Why Kiss Ass?

2005-08-23T19:48:00.000-05:00

So, I got into a rather heated e-mail exchange yesterday at work. I was teleprocessing a case and the state office had placed an edit on this particular type of case. I needed the edit cleared and e-mailed the appropriate person at state office.

She immediately began questioning what I was doing, which is not her job. She is just supposed to look at the income on the case, make sure it's within the income limits and then clear the edit.

Instead, she turned into a super condescending bitch.

I felt it was my duty to take her down a peg or two.

Through a series of exchanges I basically told her that it was not her job to question how I was handling the case. I told her that I knew what I was doing and that she had no business questioning me.

I took to starting out every email with the phrase "Have you cleared the edit yet?".

I realize I went a little overboard. It would not be wrong to say I crossed the line of civility, but the bitch pissed me off.

So, eventually, she took care of the problem and left me alone. As I was venting about it yesterday morning, several other people in the office piped up about their dealings with this woman. Apparently, every time she responds to one of our requests or questions she is consistently bitchy, rude and extremely condescending to everyone.

This afternoon I was called into my supervisor's office for the inevitable bitch-slap that I would receive for losing my temper.

Instead she just told me that I should be more careful because I will earn a reputation as a troublemaker. Instead I should simply let this woman talk to me however she wanted. I informed my supervisor that I would no longer be speaking to this particular woman again. And if she e-mails me, I'll forward it on to my supervisor to handle it.

Then I went in to see my (dreamy) boss and let him know that I was sorry for losing my temper...but that I wanted a complaint made to her boss. I wanted it known that I am not alone in feeling that this woman treats field staff like total shit and that we're tired of it.

I'm not going to kiss her ass because she thinks she's more important than me. Please! That is one thing Underling just does not do!

And if they want to think I'm a troublemaker...well, it just means that they have an accurate picture of me in their heads. Because my department is so fucked up, it's about time somebody started stirring the pot more.

That somebody just might have to be me...

(but it won't be. because I have bills to pay and couldn't afford to get fired)

So, I won't be stirring the pot too much...but I won't be kissing ass either.

A Good Day

2005-08-22T20:23:00.000-05:00

Ahhh...Monday. First day of the week. Such a nice day isn't it?

Normally, Mondays suck. They just suck.

This morning, however, I woke up at 5:45 to a wonderful summer thunderstorm. Rain was pouring and there was some thunder rumbling in the background. As I sat on my balcony to have a cigarette it just felt like a good day.

I went in to work for a few hours this morning. I didn't have a lot I needed to do today, and I got it all accomplished in relatively short order and then went to lunch with my work group to celebrate two birthdays.

After lunch I came home, checked my e-mail, and headed out the door for my "make-up" appointment with my therapist.

You see, about six weeks ago, I just knew I had an appointment on a Wednesday afternoon. So I called in to confirm the appointment. The girl that answered told me I was not scheduled.

I was.

So, when I didn't show, the main nurse decided that since I'd skipped an appointment, that she would delete the rest of my standing appointments.

Two weeks later when I called in to confirm my appointment for that week, I was told that I did not have ANY appointments scheduled. At that point I asked for the main receptionist that I always deal with and got the whole story.

So, she scheduled a make-up appointment for me...and it was still two more weeks out.

Today, after six weeks, I returned to my therapist's office. He told me he had been afraid that I'd given up. I told him it had been a simple misunderstanding between myself and the new receptionist.

He told me she's already been fired.

So, I'm back in the game. Had a longer session than usual, but felt awesome upon leaving.

I've decided that I know why therapy works for me. I can figure most of this stuff out on my own. I can tell myself why I feel a certain way and why I'm reacting the way I am. However, I don't quite believe myself. Then, 99% of the time, my therapist validates for me what I already knew but wouldn't or couldn't quite believe.

And then I feel better.

I feel better than I have in weeks.

And he told me it was okay that I can't seem to cry. He told me to stop trying and it will hit me when I least expect it.

I hope it doesn't happen while on line at the bank. That would just be embarrassing.

Had dinner with my friend Tim tonight. Had a lot of fun.

Now I'm back from my drive...sitting here thinking about tomorrow.

Sorry folks...

2005-08-21T16:07:00.000-05:00

I know a few of you have been able to take advantage of the anonymous comment feature on this blog, but from now on, in order to leave a comment you must have a registered blogger.com name.

I just spent the last half hour deleteing spam comments from my latest post.

Something the bastards at BlogExplosion could have warned me about...

Was trying to take a nap on the couch, and every time I started to drift off, my e-mail would ding...finally came over to check it out to find that my site had been hit over and over again.

Grrr...I'm pissed.

*********4:40 pm Update*********

FUCK!!!!

Well, that didn't work. Anybody out there know how to stop this?

The spammers won't stop!!!

*********5:15 pm update*********

Okay...get through thw word verification, spambot asshole!

If that doesn't work, I'm perfectly willing to sit here and flag EVERY FUCKING ACCOUNT that leaves a spam comment on this site!

I've got NOTHING to do tonight and I've got some rage I could burn off on you people...

A Night of Cards

2005-08-21T11:38:00.000-05:00

So, Friday afternoon Nadine called me. She invited me out with her family for a night of fun. The festivities were to begin around 6:00 with dinner in bricktown at 6:00.

As I'd already promised my brother that I would help him finish his laundry and shot him how to iron, I had to decline on dinner.

But when they called about 8:00, I met up with them and headed out to, not one, but two different Indian casinos.

First we went to a really shoddy looking one south of town, but got out of there before too long because they didn't have a bar. And Nadine's father wanted beer.

We played blackjack for about 30 minutes before taking off for another casino. As we left the there, I was up by $25.

We got to the second casino, Lucky Star at about 10:00. We found the blackjack table and sat down.

We played until after 2:00 in the morning. I was up more than $100 at one point, and of course, being the greedy bastard I am, lost all of it. Managed to build it back up though, and left only $10 down for the entire night.

The important thing being, I had a blast. But I'm thinking that gambling will be a once every few months activity. I don't make enough money to lose it at the blackjack table.

Another Long Week Over...

2005-08-19T18:35:00.001-05:00

I swear to god that I posted something here yesterday. I have no idea where it is now, but I DID post something here.

It was mainly just a laundry list of what the last week consisted of for me. Nothing too terribly interesting or exciting.

Where did the time go?

2005-08-15T23:21:00.000-05:00

Oh my god...It's almost 11:30.

This has been the fastest day for me in a while. Work was a general bore, but once I left the office, the hours just flew by.

Drove first to the bank, where I waited in line for 40 minutes to make a deposit at the drive thru.

Then went to the grocery store with a list of like 12 items, and still ended up spending more than $80. Oh well, at least I know I won't have to go back (except for the weekly produce run) for the rest of the month.

Came home, put the groceries away and made dinner. Ate. Cleaned up. Then, before I knew it, it was 8:00, time for my drive.

I made my drive, called my mother, verifying that she and my father (both in their sixties) had returned safely from Wyoming.

Then I made the god awful trip to Wal-Mart.

But, when I got home, about 9:30, I burned the CDs I wanted to burn for some work friends, and then did a birthday card and some letters I needed to send out tomorrow. I chatted with my little sister on the phone...and suddenly, it;s past my bedtime. I don't know where the time goes...

As a side note, I must point out that while I was at Wal-Mart, I was cruised, not once, but twice.

It's nice to know that someone thinks I'm worth a second look.

Although, one of the guys was going a bit overboard. I mean, I'm all about getting the occasional appreciative glance, but come on...I hope I don't put off the kind of vibe that suggests that I would fuck you just because we shared a glance in the greeting card aisle at Wal-Mart...lol

Anyway, headed to bed here, Sports Fans. Need to get my beauty sleep...

If I don't start getting some really restful sleep, I'm going to be forced to use concealer for the bags under my eyes...and Underling does NOT wear make-up.

Good night, my dear readers.

Why Underling should sometimes simply not go out into public...

2005-08-15T21:11:00.000-05:00

An Afternoon with Jack and Carly

2005-08-12T20:36:00.000-05:00

So, this afternoon at work, they brought in all new printer/copiers for the office. For some reason, they decided that the middle of the day was the best time to do this. So, they took all of our computers off the network and left us with nothing to do while they installed the new equiptment.

So, I spent some quality time listening to a few CDs.

First up was "On and On", Jack Johnson. This is the third album by Mr. Johnson that I've bought in the last few months, and I believe the last one available to me other than the soundtracks for the movies he made.

I can't get over how fucking incredible his music is. All three of these CDs are some of the most listenable music I heard in a long time. My new favorite song, Cocoon, is just so great. I can't stop listening to this song.

The other album I spent some time with today (and the one I'm listening to right now) is The Best of Carly Simon. I just love her.

Got out of the office normal time and had to drive up to my parents house. They are in Wyoming for the next four days, so I had to go feed the dog and cats. While I was there, I pulled the laundry that was piled up on the piano bench and sat down and played for over an hour. It's probably been a year since I've been on a piano...I miss playing. I wish I had room for one in my apartment.

I felt really good while I was sitting there playing. But once I stopped playing I just started feeling wretched again. It was back and forth today. I was either in completely good spirits or just feeling terrible.

So, I'm going to spend a little time online tonight, and then I'm going to watch "To Kill a Mockingbird" and try to induce some crying. I need to get some of this emotion out of me...and I can't get rid of it by screaming. So, I'll try and force myself to cry.

Well, I'm out.

LAter, Sports Fans.

Driving

2005-08-10T17:29:00.000-05:00

So, it's become my new thing to go for a drive in the evenings. After I've eaten and done the washing-up, I get into my car at about 8:00 with a CD and go for a drive.

Most nights I drive through Heritage Hills (my neighborhood) and Mesta Park (which Heritage Hills sort of melts into). I head West for a bit and then will generally stop in at 7-11 at 23rd and Penn for iced tea if I'm feeling thirsty.

Last night I was cruising around listening to David Gray's "White Ladder" and decided I wasn't quite ready to go home. So, instead, I drove up north and looked around the Edgemere Park area. There are some absolutely beautiful homes and lawns up there...all within yards of Broadway Extension...

So I spent a good hour driving around looking at people's houses and yards last night. Thrilling? You don't have to tell me that.

Then I came home and attempted to watch "Amelie", which my brother had lent me. I'd not seen it before and was quite excited to see it.

So, of course, instead I spent the better part of the night on the phone with various people, instead of watching the movie.

But, I watched it this afternoon. My therapy appointment was canceled, but as I had already planned on taking the afternoon off for that, I left work at noon as usual and came home to watch the movie.

I loved it!

Then Erica came by and we talked and bitched for a while. Me bitching about my issues, she bitching about her job hunt.

Now It's 5:30, and I'm ready for a long night in front of the computer.

Except, of course, for my evening drive.

A day full of anger...

2005-08-09T11:20:00.000-05:00

That's what yesterday was. I'm not sure where it came from, but I must have had a lot of unexpressed rage built up. I nearly hit a co-worker at lunch. Here's how it happened.

I was sitting in the conference room eating as usual. We had the TV on and we were watching People's Court.

One of the women from upstairs came through the conference room on her way outside to smoke. As she walked behind me, SHE PUT HER FUCKING HAND ON MY SHOULDER!

Okay people, let's be very clear on this: You must have permission from Underling before you are allowed to touch him.

EVERYONE in my office knows not to put their hands on me. And this woman has been warned before.

So, I whipped around and was ready to draw my fist back when I stopped myself and started my calming down work.

The afternoon was a little better...no one else tried to touch me.

Then after work I went by my parents and visited with my father for a few hours. I was completely calm after that. I was able to come home and make dinner, eat and chat with a few friends online.

In other news: My sister and her husband are officially in Wyoming. They called last night to describe their house and tell me they'd arrived.

Well, there's really not a lot else to post here today. I mean, there are things that I could post, but I don't want to and you can't make me.

So there.

My First Audio Post.

2005-08-08T14:05:00.000-05:00

A Life In Flux

2005-08-07T22:35:00.000-05:00

Things don't always turn out like we expect.

Say that you meet an incredible guy. This guy changes your entire perspective of how life could be. Thoughts start circling in your mind. You start to expect things to go a certain way.

But that's so rarely what happens.

Maybe the expectation of what "could be" is an impediment to simply enjoying the reality of "what is".

There may be some tears and some pain over the loss of what could have been, but isn't it more important to see the value of what is, and actually take the opportunity to take life as it comes.

After all, none of us has a crystal ball. We don't know what might come our way in the future.

Sleep, Meet Underling. Underling, Meet Sleep

2005-08-05T10:22:00.000-05:00

Ah...sleep. It was everything I remembered it to be. I went to bed at about 10:30 last night and slept soundly until my alarm went off at 6:30.

Now we'll see if I can do a repeat of that tonight.

Yesterday evening, my brother called and insisted that we go to dinner. It was a good idea, as I needed to get out of my apartment. So we went out and ate, and he brought me a few DVD's I'd wanted to borrow. Good times.

Well, anyway...that's all the news I have for now. Best if I got back to work anyway. I mean...if I don't certify these food stamps, these people aren't going to feed themselves.

Still Awake...

2005-08-04T02:53:00.000-05:00

...And I have roughly 4 hours before I have to be dressed and out of the house for work.

I hate not being able to fall asleep.

*****This just in*****

It's now about 8:40 am. I never did go to sleep last night, so this morning at 6:45, I left for the office. When my boss opened the door at 7:00 I went in, sat down at my desk and in a little over an hour (most of which time was spent completely alone) I managed to knock out all the work I needed to get done to stay current.

So, I'm back home now...waiting to fall asleep.

We'll see.

A Day Off

2005-08-03T20:05:00.000-05:00

Had a blast at dinner last night. My brother's boyfriend is a really great guy. And beginning to get a little sad at the thought of my little sister moving to Wyoming this weekend. She's been so close and such a fixture in my life for the last few years since she came back from Chicago.

I really don't like the idea of her and her husband being so far away. And I won't see my niece now but two or three times a year. Damn!

Came home last night and started watching Ab Fab. Got through the first series and decided to go to bed.

So I did. And then I just laid there. And laid there. And laid there.

At 6:45 I called my supervisor on her cell phone and informed her that I would not be coming in to work. Luckily, I had my morning smoker's coughing fit in the middle of the phone call, so it seems much more plausible that I was actually calling in sick.

I finally started to drift off about 10:45 when my mother called with a question.

It seems that my grandmother's savings are exhausted and her current care costs are more than twice what she brings in monthly. So, we have to sell her house sooner rather than later. I'm really not ready to deal with that. Especially not now.

It seems that if one thing starts to go wrong everything else starts tumbling down right behind it. It's as if the universe is bound and determined to make certain I'm as depressed as possible.

So, I finally laid down and was able to nap from about 2:30 until 4:30. And I'm back up now, and one would thing I would be really fucking exhausted. Instead, I'm just sitting here as wide awake as I was all night last night. That curious knot in my stomach will not go away. And I just sort of feel it there at all times, needling me, trying to make me feel worse.

I'm trying my best to just ignore it.

So at about 6:00 I got in my car and started driving around. Called Sally and chatted for a bit. Then I drove up to Target and bought the chenille throw and matching pillows I've been eyeing but have refused to allow myself to buy for the last two months.

Drove around for a while longer, resisting the urge to stop at the liquor store and just buy a bunch of shit and come home and get totally plastered. Am currently watching the clock. If I can sit here and keep myself occupied for another 45 minutes now I won't be able to go to the liquor store. (They all close, by law, at 9:00 pm in Oklahoma.)

I just don't want to fall back on old patterns. I already let myself get drunk more times than I should have in the last week. A fact I confessed to my therapist. He didn't seem overly concerned. Said I just need to watch myself and be more careful with my choices. So, that's what I'm doing tonight.

I'm trying to be rational and not emotional. But it's really hard to be rational all the time.

Well, I've rambled for far too long. If you're still reading I applaud your tenacity. That was a lot of self-involved whining right there. But I'll be okay...I just have to find the hump in this situation and get over it.

(P.S. Am v. v. proud of myself. I just ran spell check on this entry. No errors. Wow! At least my typing skills have improved. lol)

Tuesday...

2005-08-02T13:57:00.000-05:00

So, tonight is the night I go to dinner with my brother and meet his boyfriend.

We actually discovered about 2 weeks ago that I sort of knew his boyfriend in college. I even found a reference to him in my journal from back in like 1998. Small world. He knew a guy who knew a guy who knew me. And I remember he used to hang out at the coffeeshop I hung out in a few times.

I don't know that I ever even spoke to the guy back then.

Now, seven years later he's dating my brother.

So, I get to do that tonight.

Then back home and I can spend a few hours watching some of the Ab Fab that has come my way via Netflix. It's been years since I've seen them...and they showed up right when I needed the funny the most.

Have been listening to the CDs Trevar made for me Saturday night. First there was Green Day, "American Idiot". That was the first one to get a full listen. That CD is awesome. It's the first Green Day since "Dookie" That I've been able to listen to without skipping tracks. Awesome!

Next was The second disc from the new Foo Fighters CD "In You Honor". I like their sedate music better than their upbeat...so this one is perfect for me. However, I had to change over as I'm at work...and the tempo of the music was making me a little drowsy.

Right now I'm listening to Ben Folds. It's great. Love the piano. Love his voice.

Still have two more to listen to fully. First is Nouvelle Vague. I heard a few of the songs from this CD while I was visiting with them Saturday night. Liked what I heard.

The there's M.I.A titled "arular". I know nothing about this CD. So it'll be a complete surprise when I listen to it.

Ahhh, music...what would I do without it?

I should be in bed...

2005-08-02T00:19:00.000-05:00

but I went by my parents this evening. While I was there I borrowed my sister's copy of the Counting Crows "August and Everything After". My copy has disappeared long ago...and I felt a burning need to hear "Raining in Baltimore", one of my all time favorite songs.

So I've been listening to it over and over again.

There's a line in it that's always gotten to me.

"There's things I'll remember,
There's things I'll forget.
I miss you, I guess that I should.
3,500 miles away,
but what would you change if you could?"

God...there's something about Counting Crows...

Sunday Evening

2005-07-31T19:58:00.000-05:00

So, the rest of my weekend has now come and gone.

I worked my shift at the restaurant with little incident after a difficult start. But I was reminded that I work with a group of really sweet people up there.

After work I went over to Sally's and we went out to dinner. Then we sat around watching TV until her husband, Trevar, got home from work. Then we sat there and listened to music. Trevar was v. sweet and burned me 5 CDs, so I have plenty of new music to listen to.

And I spent today watching movies on my couch. First there was Pleasantville (fucking love that movie...Joan Allen ROCKS!). Then I moved on to Shaun of the Dead, but am having difficulty getting through it.

See, the AC unit in my dining room seems to buzz right at the same frequency as sound from my TV...so when I have my AC on, I'm dependant on the dvd subtitles to watch movies. And Shaun of the Dead does no have subtitles. I guess I'll save it for a cooler day when I can watch with the AC off.

Am looking forward to a full night of sleep tonight.

So...my weekend draws to a close.

Gutted...

2005-07-30T00:41:00.000-05:00

You know how sometimes you get the feeling that something is coming. And you're a bit apprehensive about it?

But then something happens that convinces you that you were completely wrong and you were just being silly.

And then it happens anyway, and it totally knocks the wind out of you and you don't know what to say or do?

I know.

At least I do now.

Damn you Ace of Base!!!

2005-07-26T22:09:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm a shamefaced Ace of Base fan. I can't help it. The music is just so damn catchy.

So the album "The Bridge" came out when I was maybe a senior in high school. And there was one song, one song on that damn album, that has been stuck in my head for years.

I'm talking about a song called "Lucky Love".

After nearly 10 years of listening to this damn song...it still makes no sense to me. So, I know that you, my dear sports fans, will be able to give me your personal interpretations of the songs lyrics.

Here they are:

Life is a paradise
Woah yeah

Lucky love belongs in teenage heaven
I know I know
'Cause I've been there with you tonight
Lucky love belongs in teenage heaven
I know I know
'Cause I've been there with you tonight

I believe life could be paradise once again (once again...)
And the love we thought we lost is sleeping within
Close your eyes
It's something for you

Lucky Love belongs in teenage heaven
I know I know
"Cause I've been there with you tonight
Lucky love belongs in teenage heaven
I know I know
I'm a prisoner of hope I know

We are young and we are old we're falling like leaves (like leaves...)
And your heart's so full of soul it makes me believe
Once again
It's something for you

Lucky love belongs in teenage heaven
I know I know
'Cause I've been there with you tonight
Lucky love belongs in teenage heaven
I know I know
'Cause I've been there with you tonight

A bridge over time it what you need to see the light
To see the light

Woah yeah

Lucky love
Lucky love
Lucky love belongs in teenage heaven
Lucky love
Lucky love
Lucky love belongs in teenage heaven (I know I know)

Lucky love belong in teenage heaven
I know I know
'Cause I've been there with you tonight (rocket there with you)
Lucky love belongs in teenage heaven
I know I know
I'm a prisoner of hope I know.

fin

Why is this so pressing at nearly 10:30 when Underling should already be in bed? Because I had to run out to the corner store (aka Crackhead Central) to get OJ and the damn song came up on my CD player before I knew what happened.

I know you all will try to help me out here. Don't leave OCD boy in the dark alone, thinking about these damnable transliterated lyrics all night.

I mean...for example...is the there a term in Sweden that means "teenage heaven"? Is this a colloquialism that only translates into English in form but not concept?

You don't have to have all the answers, just an interp. I would appreciate your comments.

And if any of you happen to be acquainted with the hot guy from Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg, send him a link to this page. Maybe he can help explain it.

Later, Sports fans...

Tagging the car

2005-07-25T17:30:00.000-05:00

So, today, on my lunch break, I decided to drive back across town to the tag agent near my house to pay the tag, title and tax on my new car. The dealership finally came though and sent me the paperwork and the check I needed on Friday.

So, I set out at 12:00 to drop through the bank and then run my errand.

I sat in line at the drive through bank for nearly 30 minutes. There were only two cars in front of me. I have no idea what they were doing, but it took fucking forever.

So, an hour later I got to the tag agency and signed in. I then sat and waited my turn, not very patiently. I HATE waiting in lines.

But when it's my turn, I get a surprise. Apparently my total was like $30 less than what I thought it was going to be. So, after I signed over the check from the dealership, I only owed them $2.50. I got my tag and went along my merry way.

I was very happy about the whole thing.

Then I got a call about 2:30 from the girl who had helped me. Apparently she calculated the excise tax incorrectly and I did, in fact, still owe them another $30.

So, after work I dropped off a check for the rest of the amount.

I really didn't want to pay it, but the Oklahoma Tax Commission are fuckers and they will come after you for a penny if they think you owe them.

Oh well. At least my car is now legally tagged. I don't have to worry about it for another year now.

Some Geeky Things...

2005-07-24T12:14:00.000-05:00

Geek Corner

This is the corner of my mantle in my living room. As you can see, it houses a Tom Jones LP as well as an autgraphed picture of Nichelle Nichols. There in the middle is a framed autograph by the strapping actor Michael Dorn.

These are just a few of the many many geeky things in my apartment.

Just wanted to share my inner-geek with the world today.

Better...

2005-07-21T14:42:00.000-05:00

Okay, so last night was quite a bit better. I again sat on my ass in my apartment, but I spent the time watching "Logan's Run" which is just a kick ass movie.

I don't know where all this restlessness is coming from, but it's hitting like every other day. I'm not sleeping well as a result either.

Plus, I had a cold last week...and so this week I've been dealing with the resulting sinus headaches...so that's not helping.

Work sucks, as always...but I'm finally getting tired enough of this place that I'm seriously pondering my options now.

So, here I sit today, listening to music, my work done...and I have another hour to sit here before I head out to the restaurant to work another five hours...

At least the week is almost over.

Quiet Evening...

2005-07-19T21:19:00.000-05:00

So, I got in from work about 5:30 this evening...and had not a thing in the world to do.

So, I sat out on the balcony while the AC cooled off the apartment. I had turned off both units on my way out of the house today, not realizing that the heat index was going to be 100 degrees by noon.

So, I read a bit, ate my leftovers from dinner last night, which I completely forget to take to work for lunch today. Watched about a hal hour of TV and then went back to reading.

By 7:00, I was dozing off on the couch, so I made myself get up and move around.

At 8:00 I took my nightly drive through my neighborhood and stopped off to get some iced tea. Got back about 30 minutes later and resumed reading on the balcony.

Came in at 9:15. Wrote this entry and I think I'll head to bed now to read until I fall asleep.

God, I'm boring...

I'm on to you, Maroon 5 (and other assorted ramblings)

2005-07-17T19:41:00.000-05:00

So, tonight I was wandering around Best Buy, looking for some CDs to purchase. As I was perusing through the "M's" I cam across the section devoted to Maroon 5.

Now, I like Maroon 5. I think that "Songs About Jane" is an incredible album. There's one track on that CD. In fact, Track 12, titled "Sweetest Goodbye" can actually reduce me to tears each time I hear it.

However. They have now repackaged the songs from this album in yet another version. First they released the album. Then they released a mini-album that featured a few of the songs from the albums in their "Live" forms.

Now they have released the entire album again, but with 3 or 4 remixes just tacked onto the end.

Guys...just record another album already. Stop playing on air commentators for VH1 specials and get your hot little asses back into the studio and record a follow up. It's been a LONG time since your first single hit the airwaves...so I'm sure you've
written a few more songs by now...Please, I'm begging you. Stop just re-releasing "Songs About Jane".

*********Other News**********

Finished the new Harry Potter this morning. Every one of the books in the damn Harry Potter series has reduced me to tears at some point. At "Half Blood Prince" did not disappoint. I was blubbering for quite a while this morning.

Picked up a copy for me and one for Tim on Friday night at midnight.

Oh, and by the way...the freaks were out at Barnes and Noble friday night. I've been to Star Trek conventions where I felt less discomfited. I could have dealt with the children dressed up as their favorite characters. But somehow seeing single, childless, non B&N employed adults waltzing around that store dressed as Harry and Hermione was cringe worthy.

Read a fair amount before I headed to bed Friday night and then Tim and I sat around Saturday morning and read for a few hours.

While I'll not comment on any particular plot aspects...I found this book far more satisfying than I did "Order of the Phoenix". There was just so much going on. Great read.

Now I'm sitting here listening to old school Erasure and waiting for Family Guy to come on so I can do some ironing. (On Sunday nights I do my ironing for the week while watching Family Guy. Only Family Guy can make ironing interesting.)

Well, I'm out for now...

DATELINE FRIDAY: Danger Kitten, Danger!

2005-07-15T13:42:00.000-05:00

So yesterday, after lunch, a few of us were sitting around outside the office, talking and smoking. After a while we were all sure that we had heard a kitten somewhere in the vicinity. We looked and couldn't find it...decided it was an echo and went about our business.

This morning the mysterious meowing was heard yet again. This time, after proper investigation it was determined that the cat was in fact stuck in a drainage pipe that is embedded in concrete and runs from the side of out building, under the parking lot, and into an embankment to the north of the lot.

Now this tube in about 3 feet under ground with PVC pipes sticking up vertically on either end. Somehow the cat must have crawled onto the pipe and fallen in. Unable to get out it just sat in there crying.

So, we started trying to get it out. At one point we thought we had it near the building end and it was decided to that someone with long arms should put their arm in the pipe and see if they could snatch the cat.

So, of course, they came to find me. I now have a spectacular bruise on the inside of my arm from scraping my arm in and out of that damn PVC pipe.

Of course, every time the cat saw my hand it scurried further back down the pipe.

Eventually, after lunch, we mananged to secure the help of both animal control and the fire department. After several failed attempts at rescuing the cat, the fire department finally just dug up the end of the pipe furthest from our office and cut off the vertical portion of the pipe.

Now the woman from animal control is sitting patiently by the hole in the ground, waiting for el gato to come out the other end.

And guess exactly how much work we actually got done this morning? Yeah...not a lot was accomplished.

From CNN.com

2005-07-12T11:13:00.000-05:00

MORE NEWS
• Watch: Video news hourly updates
• Blast rocks Israel shopping mall
• Shuttle launch just hours away | Special Report
• Tropical Storm Emily picks up strength | Watch Free
• White House mum on CIA leak, Rove | Watch Free
• Autopsy to determine if police killed toddler | Watch Free
• Mom charged after kids take turns in trunk
• Study: Drivers on cells four times more likely to crash
• Actress Tiffani Thiessen gets married

Come on people...now you know what's really important.

Back at work for day two, post vacation. It's not been too bad, there wasn't a lot piled up waiting on me, and now no one is coming in for the appointments I scheduled before I left. So, I really don't have a lot to do.

So, luckily I have the time to rejoice now at the marriage of Tiffani-Amber Thiessen.

Sitting on my ass...

2005-07-06T20:12:00.000-05:00

...isn't what it used to be.

I'm so freaking bored!

Last week I was so excited to have this time off ahead of me. Now, a few days into it...I can hardly wait for it to be over.

I've somehow lost the ability to sleep in. So, despite going to bed as late as 2:00 am the last few nights, I've been lucky to sleep as late as 8:00. This morning I actually woke up at around 6:30, but refused to get up out of bed until 9:00.

I've watched everything I have to watch. I've read everything I was going to read. I have no extra money to spend so I can't go shopping, other than window shopping, and that has never been very fulfilling to me.

So, I spend a lot of time sitting around. There's not even been anything on television to watch.

Thankfully, today, Tim came by to have lunch, so I was occupied for a while this morning cooking. But this afternoon was spent loitering online and taking a short nap.

Now I'm sitting here at 8:15 restless as hell. I refuse to go outside and read on the balcony because I know I'll just sit out there chain smoking until I have a headache.

So, last night, to alleviate the boredom, and again tonight, I got in my car and drove back and forth through the streets of the historical district I live in. There are so many beautiful homes. I like to drive around and be filled with envy looking at them.

It killed an hour at least...lol

So, the vacation is not as fulfilling as I'd hoped it would be. But, at least I'm not at work.

Happy 4th of July!

2005-07-04T23:21:00.000-05:00

Hi all...

Had a damn good day today. Got up this morning to the monstrous thunder that was rattling my windows. Picked up a book and a bottle of water and sat on the balcony for a good two hours reading. It was very nice.

Then a little before noon I went in to the restaurant to work my extra "holiday" shift...which I've noticed I'm the only one currently picking up and extra shift on holidays...

Anyway, the restaurant was dead, so I went to one of the managers and explained that I didn't really need the money from the shift, and I felt bad taking money away from the other two girls who were also working. So, she let me leave.

I drove to Edmond and picked up my mother. We drove around and had lunch and then went to visit my grandmother at the home. The visit with grandma was very depressing. She spent most of the time we were there crying and begging us to take her with us.

We then went back to Edmond and my mother and I sat on the porch and talked for quite a while...I caught her up on all my news and she continued to tell me more stories of her recent trip to Germany with my father.

At 6:00 I drove to Norman and had dinner with Tim and his roommate. Then Tim and I drove over to the softball field on the south side of OU's campus and watched the fireworks.

I drove him home and said goodnight and am now sitting in my apartment smelling the gunpowder smoke from the downtown fireworks display. Two hours later and the smell is still thick in the air.

And I still have 4 more days of vacation time to go...

woo-hoo!

Welcome July

2005-07-01T11:10:00.000-05:00

So, I woke up this morning at about 9:00 to a rainstorm. It's now a quarter after 11:00 and it is still under seventy degrees outside.

I've been inside, cleaning and doing laundry like a fool all morning while outside has been the most habitable weather we've had in two months.

So, I'm retiring to the balcony for a few hours with a book to enjoy this.

Then I'll have to go run my errands...have a few little things I have to get done today...

So, I hope the weather is as nice wherever you all are today...only without the cold rain...

:-)

Meet the Lady Bellamy

2005-06-30T07:01:00.000-05:00

So, yesterday I went to the bank...they told me I would need a co-signer, which I already knew...so I went by my parents house and got my father.

We headed up to the Bob Howard Auto Mall and pulled directly into the Honda dealership. Within 20 minutes I was test driving the '05 Honda Civic I wanted.

And by 7:30 last night I drove it off the lot. Got a good price on it and while I'm not impressed ith the 8% interest rate they gave me, my father assures me that in 6 months we can take it to his finance company and refinance down to closer to 4% which is what I wanted to be paying.

So, my new car, the Lady Bellamy is ready for the road.

Now, on the first day of my vacation...I was up at 6:00 and am getting ready to leave the house for the dentist's office...but not before I drive through at my office and show off the car to my girls...

Later...

Another Purchase

2005-06-28T20:25:00.000-05:00

You know, when I paid my car off in December, I swore I would drive it until the wheels fell off.

Then in February, I wrecked it and had to have extensive repairs made.

And now it's June...and every time I drive in my car I'm convinced that the wheels are about to fall off.

So, I'm going to the bank tomorrow afternoon to see about a loan.

It's time for me to buy a new car.

Not a "New" new car, but a new "pre-owned" car. (Don't you just love that euphemism? I remember when we bought "used" cars and were perfectly okay with that.)

I'm thinking about a Honda...but I'll see what I can find. Provided I can get the financing taken care of tomorrow, and provided that the dentist doesn't choose to extract my wisdom teeth at my appointment on Thursday, my father and I will go out Thursday afternoon and find me a car.

I'm a little nervous about it, as I've been used to having a bit of extra money lately...but I've looked at my budget and I can swing it. I already dropped some extra insurance deductions I didn't need at work and am canceling my gym membership (I haven't been in six months) this month...so I know I can manage it.

Well, I'm off to finish my laundry and then crawl in bed and do some reading...need to have a early night tonight.

Later...

Pride and Pejudice

2005-06-27T17:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was Pride. I went. It was fun to be with my friends. It was fun to collect the beads. It was fun to see the floats.

But, remember me telling about the backwards tossers from last year who had a confederate flag up on their porch during the parade last year? Well, I sat across the street from their house again this year...and they were in fine form, let me tell you.

First, they had their flag up again, along with two signs. One proudly proclaimed that "Dicks are for Chicks!" while the other simply informed us that "Jesus is Coming!"

They were yelling and taunting everyone who passed their yard. They were being just as foul as you can imagine. One of them kept screaming "Jesus is the answer!!!" to which I would simply respond, "What was the question?"

Things started to get out of hand after a while...one of the guys got into a screaming match with one of the passers-by and went to his car and got out a folding hunting knife. He started pulling it out when people would walk past his yard. (this is all pre-parade.)

Well, finally the women next to our group had enough. The coolest lesbians in the world all pulled out their cell phones and called the cops. Over and over again. Until finally, 3 cars pulled up. The offending gentleman (more like Slack-jawed Yokel...with apologies to Cletus) with the knife was placed in the back of a squad car...and was then RELEASED!!! They cops did make him leave the area, but not before he managed to nearly ram his truck into a group of spectators across the street.

Then the parade got going. Having heard what had gone down at our end of the parade route, the floats were ready. Both of the floats that ejected rainbow confetti stopped directly in front of the house, and thanks to wind direction, COVERED THEIR YARD AND HOUSE in rainbow confetti.

Then, every one throwing out beads gave it to them.

The best moment, though, were the Dykes on Bikes. All of them stopped in front of the assholes' house and reved their engines for 5-7 minutes...several of the rednecks eventually got up and went inside...tired of the noise and exhaust.

All in all it was an exciting day.

I left there, came home and showered and changed, and then went to hang out with my new friend at his place. Ended up staying down there until midnight and then somehow managed the 25 minute drive back home up I-35. I came home and was suddenly keyed up from the driving...so it took me another 30-45 minutes before I was able to lay down and get some sleep.

So, today was a LONG FUCKING DAY.

I'm rushing around at work trying to get a week's worth of work done in two days...because on Wednesday, I start my first vacation in 3 years. WOO-HOO!!!

I"m not really doing anything with the time, other than vegging at home and reading...but I HAD to take some time off from that place. IT's been driving me crazier than ever lately.

Well, sports fans...that's all the news that's fit to print. I actually wrote most of this entry at lunch today...only to have it completely wiped out when the power went out before I could save it. Damn office building...

Time to fix some dinner...

Dollar for the Crack Addict

2005-06-19T21:29:00.000-05:00

So, I stopped at the Q-Mart this evening on my way home from Norman to grab a pack of ciagrettes. For those of you who don't know, the Q-Mart is a less than safe place to stop for anything other than a drive-by. (Joking...I swear it's not that bad.) However, it is on a less than desirable corner, a few blocks away from my fairly desirable neighborhood. (The ghetto starts and stops so quickly here...)

So, as I came back out into the parking lot to get into my car, I see the friendly neighborhood crack addict going from occupied car to occupied car begging for cash.

Now, in my mind I always picture myself telling the guy I will give him a dollar if he does a little dance in the parking lot, but as I'm not completely evil or devoid of compassion, I've never (and would never) actually do this.

Tonight, however, I made the mistake of having my window down. Even with Aerosmith blaring from the stereo, I couldn't pretend he wasn't there while I waited for the guy next to me to pull out of his spot.

So, Crack-Man (his name henceforth) approaches me making eating motions with his hand and mouth. You know the one where you pretend to hold a spoon and move it up and down about your mouth as if spooning something (crack perhaps?) into your mouth.

He then muttered something about a dollar for some "eats".

Luckily, I had a $1 bill in my pocket and just handed it out the window to him. He took it gleefully and scampered back across the street to his crack den.

So, now I'm certainly not going to be stopping there for cigarettes there for a while. See, now he figures I'm an easy mark...and he'll be back for more...

................In Other News....................

Worked extra this weekend. As it was Father's day, I was roped into working not only 2 extra hours yesterday but also a shift today that was supposed to last from 11:00 to 2:00...instead I was there until after 4:00...So, I may have made a bit of money...but it totally screwed up my weekend plans.

Since I was there until 10:00 last night, my plans with Tim where shifted by two hours...and todays plans to wander one of the museums in either Norman or OKC were shot. Instead, once I was off work and had showered the offending barbecue odor from my person I drove down to his place and met some of his friends and watched enraptured as they played playstation. I'm actually a very good spectator for this type of stuff. I can't ever really figure out how the games work and become easily frustrated with them...but for some reason I can watch other people play for hours and never get bored.

I met a few of his friends and his roommates, all very nice guys, and then drove my ass back up into the city so I could do laundry for work tomorrow.

Now I'm sitting here in my dining room, listening to some music and spending some quality time with my laptop...I've neglected her this week.

So, that was my weekend in review. Hopefully I'll have more tales to tell this week. Last week was pretty boring as it goes...maybe something more exciting will happen this week...

Seacrest Out!

I could totally get into this dating thing...

2005-06-12T23:33:00.000-05:00

So, today was my third date with...(wait for it)...Tim.

There. He has a name now.

Today, he drove up here and we went to lunch at Lido (a Vietnamese restaurant that I love) and then hung around my place for a while, watched some TV (introduced him to the British version of The Office) and just had a good time.

Around 4:00 or so we took off (in separate cars) to Norman where he lives. His roommate is out of town, so he's caring for his little dog (named puppy) while he's gone. So, we let Puppy out to piss and then headed over to the OU campus where Tim took me on his "Fountain Tour", showing me all the really cool things and fountains that are all over the campus.

This was especially cool for me, as this is the campus I'm looking to start graduate school on.

Then we had a really nice dinner at a cool little Italian place just off the campus. We'd barely set foot inside the restaurant when the sky opened up and poured down a nice old-fashioned Oklahoma rainstorm. It rained for most of the next two hours.

We ended up at his place, on the couch, with Puppy jumping around both of us while we tried to watch Family Guy and kiss a little bit.

Then, I headed back home around 11:00, called to let him know I was home and now I'm writing this entry. I don't know how I have the energy to write now...I'm utterly exhausted...but in a good way.

Anywho...We won't be able to see each other until next Friday as he'll be in Phoenix until Wednesday...and I have to work on Thursday...but I think that can be a good thing. Time to ourselves to sort out the last week...

Well, I'm headed to bed. Need sleep...really need a shower first...but sleep won't wait. lol

night...

My week...

2005-06-11T11:18:00.000-05:00

So, after my date on Tuesday night, I was apparently a very happy guy at work. The girls at my office where just beside themselves over how nice and happy I was. So, that was good.

Last night my new "friend" came over and we went to the store together and got some steaks and stuff for a salad and came back and made dinner here. Then we sat around in the dining room chatting for a while.

Then we decided to look through my DVD's and see if there was anything there to watch. As he was looking at the shelves, he spied the collection of Doctor Who videos my brother and I amassed in the 90's. (Good thing I still have a VCR...and didn't go strictly DVR like some people were telling me.) We pulled out a couple of Tom Baker episodes and sort of watched them.

I say "sort of" because there may have been a little kissing and cuddling going on.

It was a great night, and I really enjoy hanging out with him. It's all very comfortable and low pressure.

So, again this morning I'm grinning a mile wide. I have to work this evening from 3:00 to 8:00, then I have a little gettogether with the girls to celebrate Sally's birthday as a group.

I told him to call me this evening once he's free and we'll make plans to hang out on Sunday...can hardly wait.

I Went on a Date

2005-06-07T22:11:00.000-05:00

Okay, Sports Fans, I went on a date tonight.

Had dinner in Bricktown, and afterwards walked along the riverwalk for over an hour. Then we stopped in for coffee at Uncommon Grounds. Decaf for me, of course...

Then we came back to my place and sat in the living room and talked for another hour.

We ended the night with a promise to hang out on Friday night.

And a very short and sweet kiss.

It was not one of those crazy kisses, it was just a simple quick kiss on the lips.

So nice. I'm grinning from ear to ear right now.

Okay...I'll stop with that for now...

As I said before I've identified what, for me, is one of the most perfect songs ever written and recorded.

For this song, we must listen to Abba. Yes, I've decided that "Lay all your love on me" is one of the most perfect songs ever written. And I can't stop listening to it!

You know how bad that is for an OCD person like myself...I could drive myself even crazier...lol

Anyway...I'm heading to bed for a nice sleep.

Night...

Quick update...

2005-06-07T17:59:00.000-05:00

...heading out on a date in a few minutes. Not sure what this may be...but I'm going to head out and see what happens.

I'll update on that when I'm back...but I had to say a few things first.

I got to hang out with my very good friend A-Beth this weekend, and also got to reacquainted myself with the adult version of two other college friends. Was so glad to see the both of them...if almost felt like we picked up where we left off when we last hung out years ago...

...in other news...I finally got the chance to talk to the sweetest man on the planet last night. That's right...Underling finally talked to Matt on the phone. It was a wonderful conversation and I'm sure we'll talk again and again.

Well...I'm just waiting for my new friend to ring the doorbell, so I'll go ahead and publish this now. But when I get back later tonight...I'll give all the details as well as reveal what I think I've decided is one of the most perfect songs ever written.

Peace out, sports fans...

So you don't piss people off...

2005-06-02T22:35:00.000-05:00

...Listen carefully.

If you approach a restaurant, and it seems like there is no one eating there, I mean, there are very few cars in the parking lot and there doesn't seem to be a huge number of people milling about inside, and you see that said restaurant is going to close in, oh...let's say 4 minutes...DON'T FUCKING GO IN!!!

It's probably not worth your $40 to the restaurant to keep the seven or eight people on that will have to be there to serve you, you selfish cunt!

...okay...sorry...little bit of pent up anger at these damn Softball fans.

As you may not know, the Softball Hall of Fame (is that a necessity in this world?) is housed in Oklahoma City. So, we are currently hosting the Softball World Series.

About 2 miles away from the restaurant I work in.

And we had one or two tables of the little shits come in right at close tonight and sit for over a fucking hour.

So, I'm pissed off because I had to sit there and wait until nearly 10:30, when I should have gotten home just after nine.

Goddamn it. People piss me off.

Better now...going to bed...

Weekend Fun!

2005-05-30T13:28:00.000-05:00

So, I worked my time at the restaurant.

This morning, I was up by 9:00 and and went with my sister and brother in law to the Paseo Arts Festival. Had a blast playing with my baby niece, Helen, and looking at all the different stalls. Bought a print from one of the local artists as well as some organic soap.

At one point I turned to my sister and asked her "Who let the gay out?" I mean it was amazing. Now, I've not been down to the Paseo festival in years, but I had no idea how gay friendly the whole event was. I haven't see that may gay couples holding hands in public since Pride last year.

Found out that the woman who makes the soap sells it at the Farmer's Market in Edmond on the weekends. So, I think I'll make the trip up on Saturday's from now on to check out the market and see what else they have to offer. It's amazing. I lived in Edmond for the last two years and never thought to check out the Farmer's Market. Now, I live 20 minutes away and want to go check it out.

Saturday night had a blast with Sally and Trevar. Went out to dinner after I got off work and gave Sally her birthday gifts, then we went back to their house and watched "Team America: World Police". Had heard a lot about this little piece of satire but hadn't seen it yet. I laughed my ass off all the way through. It was so funny that I didn't mind the marionettes at all. And if there's one thing that will give me the wiggins quicker than marionettes, I don't know what it is.

Last night I went with Sarah and Lucas (that's my little sister and my brother-in-law) to eat. We decided on TGIFriday's and headed out. Once we were seated, our waitress cam to attend to the table next to us FIVE times, without even acknowledging that we were sitting there. No "I'll be right with you." Nothing!

So, we got up and walked back to the front and asked for the manager. The very cute manager, named Shawn, came out and I explained the situation. I told him we weren't looking for free food, just a seat in a section where the server would actually wait on us.

We got another table and had our meal, with the cute manager coming over to check on us many times. At the end of the deal, they comped our entire meal, a outcome we did not expect. So we tipped the waiter the cost of the meal instead.

I'll have to go back up there at some time and send some time getting in the cute managers line of sight. :-)

Anyways...now I'm back at home...should be doing laundry. Instead I think I'll spend the afternoon laying on the living room floor with my laptop and a book and listen to music.

Later...

General Musings

2005-05-26T15:33:00.000-05:00

Spring fever seems to have hit my office. None of us can seem to find the motivation to work, regardless of how shitty the weather is outside. We all seem to want to be doing ANYTHING else.

For the uninformed, I shaved my head Sunday night. Why? It's hard to say...but I think my newly grown beard is going to have to go, leaving just the goatee and moustache.

I was hoping after I shaved my head that the beard would look quirky and cool. Instead I look like a bad James Lipton impersonation. So, I think I'll shave this weekend.

Getting ready for a four day marathon at the restaurant and Memorial Day weekend approaches. Hopefully will make a nice bit of extra money over the next few days.

Well, I think I've wasted enough time today. Think it's time to go change clothes and head to the restaurant.

Peace out, sports fans...

Busy day...

2005-05-23T19:08:00.000-05:00

So, I was almost completely caught up at work this morning. Sent out all of the appointment letters I needed to...processed a few cases...saw my morning appointments.

So after lunch, Bridget and I decided to have a little fun with our friend Rebecca. She's been off to Vegas for a week and is due back in tomorrow...

...so we foiled her desk.

We covered every fucking surface with aluminum foil...and we're all going in at 7:15 in the morning so we can see her reaction in person.

This follows other such office pranks as filling up Heather cubicle with balloons for her birthday and sticky-noting my old Supervisor's office when she returned from her honeymoon.

So, with 300 square feet of foil and about an hour and a half, we accomplished our goal.

Then...about the time we finished...my Supervisor came out to ask me to do something. It seems that the woman in our office who works cases that only have medical benefits did NONE of her reviews that were due on Friday. So every on e of the, oh, 150 or so cases that were up for review had closed down over the weekend.

Guess who got to reopen them?

Yeah...me. Apparently they are so aware of my teleprocessing speed that they wanted me to do the reopens. I didn't mind doing it, as it helped the afternoon pass when I really had nothing else to do...but it's just indicative of how good employees get treated there.

The bad ones have been there for 20 years...and it's extremely difficult to fire a state employee. So the good ones get to do their work for them when they decide to fuck off.

It's really infuriating.

Anyway, I reopened all 150+ medical cases and walked out of the office at about 5:15...

So, I don't know how hard I'm going to work tomorrow.

In other news:

Last night, in defiance of the 100 degree heat (In MAY!!!) and the boredom I faced after the season finale of Desperate Housewives aired...I shaved my head.
And I didn't just buzz it down short. I got the razor out and took it down to the skin.

So, I'm getting used to that. As well as taking shit from every bald or balding man I know. (Not you Matt...I mean actual shitty comments that were made to me in an almost rude manner all day at work today.)

Guys loosing their hair really hate it when guys like me choose to go bare.

I understand their pain...and all of them should understand, I'm not far from joining you. My hairline is slowly but surely receding...and one day I'll be just as hairless.

But in the meantime, if you have a problem with me shaving my head to be cooled in the hot Oklahoma summer...you can just go fuck yourself...

kisses...

Urge to Kill...Rising...Rising...

2005-05-21T22:50:00.000-05:00

I am so flaming pissed right now.

I got home from work tonight and checked my mail. In it was a statement from Cox about my cable and internet.

It seems that when they processed my payment last week, they didn't process the $20 credit coupon they gave me for being FOUR FUCKING HOURS late the day the came to fix the cable.

So, they claim my account is past due and if I don't render payment of the $20 plus next months bill, they're disconnecting my service.

Oh, but here's the kicker. The statement also lists an additional $40 charge for a service call.

A service call to reconnect the cable THAT THEY FUCKING DISCONNECTED WHEN THEY SET UP MY NEIGHBOR'S SERVICE!!!

And now...there's no one there to talk to about it until in the morning.

Oh. My. God. Someone is going to have their head chewed off tomorrow.

There, I feel slightly better now.

The most Ridiculous Golden Girls ever...

2005-05-18T22:57:00.000-05:00

On my way home from therapy today, as I was ruminating about what I had talked about, I was reminded of the most ridiculous this I'd ever seen on TV.

There was an episode of the Golden Girls dedicated to the issue of addiction to presription pain killer addiction. Apparently Rose had been taking pain pills for something like 30 years, and in the course of one night she manages to kick said habit.

That is just infuriating. No one kicks a habit like that in one night. Especially not someone who had been abusing said drug for more than a decade.

Ah, sometimes television is shit.

But tomorrow, I see the new Star Wars...so all is right with the world...

Patio Chairs and Weezer

2005-05-15T22:15:00.000-05:00

Hey, Sports Fans...long time no see...

I seem to finally be at the end of my marathon days of working 70-75 hour weeks. I am soooo fucking glad. I'm about to collapse from exhaustion.

I regret my absence from the blog world...as I've had many subjects I've wanted to blog about these past few weeks, but I've forgotten most of them now that I have the time to update.

But, here's my latest...

This Friday night I was off work. It was pay day and I had finally purchased my own copy of "Saved", one of the best movies ever made. I was going to come home, make some dinner, and have a night in with my dvd player. As I was unloading my car (including my new VCR) my neighbor from across the hall let me know that his sister was graduating from OU this weekend and he would be having an overabundance of family in for the next few days.

I cursed him under my breath as I entered my apartment, knowing that his family includes several small children under the age of 8 who can be very fucking noisy.

So, I tried my best to ignore them, but as I went out on my balcony at about 2:00 am for my bedtime cigarette, I had to tidy up the balcony. The patio chairs on my side of the balcony (that came with the apartment) were strewn all over the place...so I tidied up.

The chairs went back and forth on Saturday, and by this morning, all of his guests were gone and I moved all the chairs back to their place on MY side of the balcony.

Then I went to the grocery store.

After I got back, I cooked dinner and cleaned up and went out for a cigarette. ALL of my chairs were gone. Then I noticed that the girls downstairs next door were having a party.

AND THEY WERE SITTING IN MY CHAIRS!!!!

He's now apparently lent them to the girls next door.

I don't know what he thinks he's doing, but I'm calling my landlord in the morning to clarify the ownership of the patio chairs.

On an unrelated note, the new Weezer album kicks ass! I haven't enjoyed an album end to end like this since Weezer's "Pinkerton" album which came out more years ago than I care to think about...

Anyway...going to work in the morning and then having dinner with an old friend from high school that I recently met up with. Going to catch up on the last ten years with her...so I'll report back after that...

later, sports fans...

PS...My spellcheck just suggested I replace "Weezer" with "Eyesore".

Farewell, my faithful friend

2005-05-02T22:30:00.000-05:00

Today I had to say goodbye to a trusted friend. It was a friend who saw me through my final year of high school, four years of college and all the years since. We've been close throughout, virtually interacting on a nightly basis.

When I wasn't around, my friend would save things for me to enjoy when I got back home. When I was home, he would entertain me endlessly, with hours upon hours of enjoyable stories and interesting information.

Yes, tonight I had to accept the inevitable, and said goodbye to the VCR my parents bought me as a Christmas gift back in 1995.

It will be a tough parting. He no longer functions as a VCR, just as a receiver for my digital cable.

You see, last night, he became enamored with a cassette of old Star Trek episodes I'd placed inside of him, and REFUSED to let the tape back out again. I was forced, when I returned home today, to remove the backing screws, pull off the casing and liberate the tape manually.

Now my VCR will no longer accept any tapes at all as it pines for the tape I ripped from its loins.

Ah, well...it was time to purchase a new one anyway.

DAMN YOU, ANTHONY FEDEROV!!!

2005-05-02T12:54:00.000-05:00

Last week on American Idol, Anthony Federov (aka A-Fed/Trach Boy) sang Celine Dion's "I Surrender". And I've been humming it ever since. I even dug into my "Box 'O Shame" and pulled out the corresponding Celine CD and have been listening to it at work.

Damn you, A-Fed! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!

In other news, yesterday was my first completely free day to myself in two weeks. I enjoyed it so much. After two nearly 75 hour weeks, I took the chance to do what I wanted to do, and nothing else.

I got up about 10:00 and watched a bit of TV, then went to the restaurant about noon to pick up my tip money from the previous night. After that I drove up to my parents to say hello to my father and pick up my Netflix.

I then wandered around Target for an hour and walked out with only the can of spray starch I had gone in for. So, I was very impressed with myself as I rarely get out of Target without spending at least $50.

Then I went to SteinMart and bought two really pretty vases for $5 apiece and then had to go over to Michael's to buy ornamental grass to put in the vases (just in case I wasn't being gay enough).

The I made a quick trip though the grocery store for orange juice and headed home to watch the second season of "Upstairs Downstairs" while I ironed 18 shirts. (Hey, I don't like ironing, so it tends to stack up.)

Then it was Desperate Housewives, and a little bit of reading before bed.

Quite possibly one of the most satisfactory days I've had in a long time.

And even though I hate being at work right now, I know I get to have Wednesday afternoon off. I have a Dr's appointment just after noon, and I DON'T go back to the office after Dr's appointments...so I can spend a little bit more time doing what I want to do.

Well, back to work and listening to Celine Dion...(shudder)

Long time away...

2005-04-24T02:25:00.000-05:00

God...I finally get to a point where I think I can keep this thing updated at least every few days and then I have a week like this past one.

As some of you may remember, I work part time at a barbecue restaurant. I host there. I am the guy who asks questions like "How Many?" and "Smoking or non?". Apparently, I am very good at this job, as they are always complementing me on it and asking me to work extra shifts.

So, two Sundays ago, one of the managers that I simply adore called me at home and asked me if I would be willing to work some extra shifts to train some new hosts on the job. I said that I would, immediately thinking about all the time to myself I was giving up.

So, in the last two weeks I worked: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. All 5-6 hours shifts each, in addition to my weekly 40 at the office. I am so fucking exhausted right now I can't even describe it.

And I have another two weeks of it ahead of me. And possibly more...

So, on Wednesday I was finally going to have some time to myself. I leave the office at 12:30 every other Wednesday for my therapy appointment. After therapy, I come home and spend some quality time with myself completing whatever assignment my therapist has given me. This Wednesday I was going to spend some time updating my blog.

Instead I come home to find my cable out. They couldn't come and fix it until yesterday. And when they did come and fix it, I found out that they were the ones who caused the problem in the first place. Apparently when they intiated service for my new downstairs neighbor, they cut my cable line. So, I was out two days of service for their mistake. Believe me, I'll be calling Cox on Monday and there's going to be a reduction to this month's bill.

So now, of course, all the witty and urbane things I was going to share with you on Wednesday have flown right out of my head...I'll try to recapture them...but I will probably not be successful.

This evening after work I went out again with a group of the servers and two of the managers. We generally all drive up to Edmond and sit in the bar at Bennigans and drink beer and chat. A good time was had by all...and I stopped by another friend's house on my way home and chatted with her for a few hours.

Now I'm home, have updated my blog and think I'll watch a few episodes of Alias before turning in.

Which leads me to my closing.

Jennifer Garner kicks ass!

Five Books on a Island

2005-04-13T20:22:00.000-05:00

Damn...I've been trying to answer this question since last night, and I'm no closer to an answer now than I was then.

The problem is, the concept of only five books almost makes me panic. I'll take more books than that on a short weekend trip. One only need look at the interior of my apartment to see how difficult this choice is. I just can't narrow it down.

I wanna take classic stuff. I want to take current literature. I want to take the dime store trash I read to shut down my brain. I want to take a library.

Then there's the political stuff, the historical stuff, the science and technology...I mean there's just too much.

And don't suggest picking out favorites. I even read books I hate multiple times.

SO, I'm going to try and come up with my five books for that desert island...but I'm afraid that 24 hours is simply not enough time.

Here's what I can come up with on the spur of the moment:

1. The Complete Poetry of Emily Dickinson, because there isn't a single poem of hers that doesn't touch me on some level.

2. The Lord of the Rings (3 in 1, but you can buy it that way so it counts) by J.R.R. Tolkien, I have to have some adventure reading.

3. Lamb by Christopher Moore (this is my "spiritual" title, hehe), This book is hilarious, irreverant, and made me look at the matters of my Christian faith in a whole new way.

4. Lew Miserable by Victor Hugo, because I truly don't think I could live without this story close at hand.

5.I'm going to leave this spot open for whatever next great book is published that I don't even know about yet. If nothing appropriate comes out, I'll take along Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, because I just love it!

Of course, I left off about 300 other books in my apartment alone that I would want with me. And I feel like I'm betraying all of them right now. ;-)

Matt's Literary Quiz

2005-04-12T23:35:00.000-05:00

I got these questions from Matt
and I promised I'd deliver the answers tonight. So while "Moulin Rouge" plays softly in the background on Oxygen...I'll try to answer these questions...

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?

I would be Harper Lee's "To Kill A Mockingbird". If ever there was a piece of American Literature to be preserved, this would be it. The subtle balance of the story along with the incredible development of EVERY major character against the backdrop of the American South's racist past is just too incredible to describe. One of my all time favorites.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Along with my last entry, and my predilection for older men...I've always been kind of hot for Atticus Finch...although a very handsome image of Gregory Peck helps out quite a bit here. To prove I'm not a literary snob, I'm also totally in love with both Richard (Cypher) Rahl and Kalahn Amnell from Terry Goodkind's "Sword of Truth" Series.

The last book you bought is:

I think the last books I purchased were "Prick Up Your Ears" by John Lahr and "The Orton Diaries", written by Joe Orton and edited by John Lahr.

The last book you read is: The last book I finished was a trashy favorite of mine. An original novel based on the BBC series Doctor Who. The title is The Crystal Buchephalus" by Craig Hinton. It's a fifth doctor story, with plenty of Tegan Jovanka in it. Good Times.

What are you currently reading?

I'm currently reading: The two books from John Lahr I mentioned as the two books I purchased most recently, along with a collection of the plays of Joe Orton, "Mother Tongue" by Bill Bryson. "Adventures of a Verbivore" by Richard Lederer, "Closet Case" by Robert Rodi, and several others...

Five books you would take to a deserted island:

I'll post this list tomorrow as a separate entry...

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?

I honestly don't know who I'll pass this along to...I'll find someone...

Well, that's it folks. Heading to bed now...

Truly Thankful

2005-04-10T01:08:00.000-05:00

I have been blessed in my life. I have an extraordinary group of friends. Friends of all kinds. There are the friends I see on a daily basis, those individuals that I work and share my life with at the office.

There are the friends that I share my down time with. That group of people that I spend the weekends with, sitting in someone's living room, talking, watching movies or playing games.

Then there are the friends that I see infrequently. The people that I care deeply for that I see less and less as time goes by, as we grow and form other bonds and realtionships, as adults do.

But I learned an important lesson about friendship this week. Some of the people who know you best, who care about you, can be the people you have never "met" at all.

I received a birthday gift on Thursday, that touched me very deeply, from one of those friends I've never met in the flesh. But, oh, was a I ever so thankful for the gift. I received, what is probably, one of the nicest gifts I'd ever recieved.

And it's led me to this conclusion: The greatest gift one can receive is that which was never expected or imagined of.

It's the gift that seemingly drops into your lap from the ether.

And while it is unexpected, it can be one of the most important things to come to you at that point in your life.

So, thanks to that one friend I've never met, for giving me a gift that defies description.

It just showed that you cared.

Underling-Now Twenty-Seven

2005-04-07T10:41:00.000-05:00

Well, I've officially been 27 for nearly 10 hours. I really don't feel any different, but I'm glad to have finally reached the age of 27. It's long been my favorite number.

This is also my last age-increasing birthday for a few years. I long ago decided that I like the number 27 so well, I was going to stay at this age for a while. I jokingly told people at work that I would stay at 27 until I couldn't pull it off anymore and then I would finally admit to being 62.

The day has started out well, got to stay in bed until after 10:00. Then the roofers tearing off the roof two houses down made it necessary to get out of bed. Noisy lot, those guys.

Now, I've just spent the last 30 minutes reading on the balcony. (Would it be too pretentious of me to start referring to it as the terrace?) and cmae back in to check e-mail. Now I think I'll head to the gym for a run on the treadmill and a nice long soak in the steam.

I had planned on taking tomorrow off as well, but then I had a massive allergy attack on Monday night and was still feeling its effects on Tuesday morning. (If you've a problem with dust, don't ever turn on a ceiling fan in a new place without first swiffering the tops of the blades. I had a years worth of dust blown down into my face and then spent an hour cleaning it off of surfaces.) So, I'll be returning to the office tomorrow, but I may still nip out a bit early and try to get in some gym time.

Well, off I go.

Mornings

2005-04-06T07:34:00.000-05:00

Mornings are becoming so difficult for me. I just can't seem to wake up and get going. Have to be at work in less than an hour and I just can't seem to make myself get going.

Maybe if I didn't hate my job...

A Letter To Paula

2005-04-05T20:09:00.000-05:00

My Dear Ms. Abdul,

I love you with all my heart. I have loved you since the tender age of 11, the first time I saw you dancing your heart out in the video for "Straight Up".

That being said, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop taking whatever it is you're taking before American Idol's live shows on Tuesday nights. Last week you were obviously slurring most of your words, and the things you said made little or no sense.

Tonight, while you were not as clearly strung out as last week, I could still see the glassiness in your eyes.

Honey, please get some help. I want to be able to continue to enjoy how fabulous you are. And I can't enjoy you when you are clearly drunk/stoned/strung out.

Thanks so much.

Your fan,

Underling

Broadcasting From a New Location

2005-04-04T19:24:00.000-05:00

Greetings, Sports Fans!

Foe the first time ever, I am joining you from me new apartment. After a lengthy visit to Best Buy yesterday, I am now the proud owner of a shiny new laptop. I am once again posting from the comfort of my own home instead of the office where nosy co-workers were constantly looking over my shoulder.

I also just joined the digital age in another way. I just successfully burned my first CD.

I can hear you now shouting, "Surely not, Underling. This thing that you tell us cannot be so!"

Well, it is so. I've never had a comp with a burner before. So I just finished making myself an exciting mix of men's solo and group artists. I've got every one from Jack Johnson, Ben Kweller, IZ, Maroon 5, Radiohead, The Kinks and on and on.

In about 5 more years I might just be ready for an mp3 player.

Well, signing off for the night. There are some books in the living room that aren't going to read themselves.

April Foolery

2005-04-04T13:46:00.000-05:00

You know, at nearly 27 years of age, I'm probably too old to be participating in April Fool's pranks. But last Friday I couldn't help myself. I got a couple of my co-workers, and I wanted to share those parnks with you.

1. Rebecca, who sits across from me, had pulled the "Fake Pregnancy Prank" on our mutual friend Heather. She pretended to be very upset about finding out she was pregnant. Got our friend Heather quite worked up trying to be supportive.

So, I had the supervisor call Rebecca into the office. While she kept her occupied I had another co-worker get her keys out of her drawer. I ran outside and unlocked her car door and then brought the keys back.

About 10 minutes later I walked back outside and got in her car. I knew where she kept a spare ignition key hidden.

Then I stole her car. I parked at the church down the street and then walked back to the office.

She didn't even notice her car was missing from the parking lot (it's a very small lot) and realized her car was missing only when she tried to leave for the day.

2. Tiffany. There was no real reason to prank Tiffany, but I felt like it, so that was reason enough. Her's was very simple, I jacked the keys on the 10 key on her computer keyboard so that they were arranged telephone fashion.

This prank didn't pay off until this morning. While attempting to log in to the system, she managed to lock herself out, and finally called the systems unit to find out why her keyboard was typing the wrong letters.

Only after talking to them (a humiliating conversation, you know) she realized that the keys were backwards.

So, all in all, a good April Fool's day.

Oh...btw...guess who's having a birthday this week?

Shades of 1996

2005-04-01T12:53:00.000-06:00

I think I'm a member of the last generation who ever spent vast amounts of time making mix tapes. Yes, now the crazy kids (and adults) have the ability to make mix CD's, but it really isn't the same thing now, is it?

To make the best quality mix tape was an art form. You had to have the right kind of tape, the right kind of dual tape head stereo and the patience to sit through each and every song you wanted to record.

I bring this up for a reason. Recently the stereo in my car started working again, now the radio has always worked, but my tape deck (yes, tape deck. It's a '95, before CD players were the standard issue in GM cars.) goes through bouts of wanting to play everything backwards.

I have very few surviving albums on cassette. Most of them were disposed of once I had replaced them on CD in the late nineties. Once upon a time I had a huge box filled with tapes...now very few remain...except for my mix tapes.

I grabbed one on the way out of the house this morning, having no desire to hear the morning radio-heads go one about Terri Schiavo and the Pope...

I rewound it to the beginning before pulling out of the driveway and then started listening. On my way to work this morning, I heard three songs that plunged me straight back to 1996, my freshman year in college.

First was "Hook" by Blues Traveler. Always a favorite of mine, this particular John Popper song features one of the most incredible harmonica solos in the world. Listening to that song made me fall in love with John Popper, even back when he was still fat and gross. (Now he's not fat, just gross, and I still love him.) This song was also exciting for a nerd like me as the "Hook" of the song is actually a waaaayyyyyy slowed down version of Pachbel's Cannon in D.

The next song to come pouring out of the speakers was Counting Crows "Long December". Oh God, how I loved to listen to that song in my love sick days of late '96 and early '97. As a senior in high school I'd developed a MAJOR crush on a fellow debater who was a year ahead of me. By the time I realized I was totally school-boy in love with him, he was a freshman at OU. I used to see him at various times. By my freshman year in college I could barely think of him without swooning. I used to listen to this song and write page after page in my journal about how much I loved him. Looking back to that time, I am sheepish about the amount of time I spent dwelling on Stephen. I think I might have fared a bit better that first year of college had I not been so fixated with him.

(byt the way, the crush finally went away...but I'm sometimes nostalgic for that feeling of utter joy I used to get thinking about him.)

The third and final song I heard on my 10 minute commute to work was "Santeria" by Sublime. I remember being absolutely crushed by the new of Brad Nowell's death. The entire self-titled album is incredible, but the song "Santeria" just conjures images of cruising around in my 1981 Chevy half-ton with my friends and the possibility the future held at that point in my life.

So, a good start to my day that is making me nostalgic for the days when I was just a mere slip of a boy, away from home for the first time.