A New Page...

So.

Things are looking up in my world. The past few months have been bizarre in the extreme for me. I started dating again in May. Met a really nice guy. Things didn't work out, but that's life, and I made a friend out of the deal, so that's never a bad thing.

And then last Tuesday I met someone new. And suddenly I'm excited again. I feel like there's still some hope in the world.

And today I started my campaign to quit smoking. So far, here's how it went today.

6:00- Got out of bed (though was up at 4:00, thinking about stuff), showered and dressed.

6:30- Went out on the balcony to read. Did not smoke as had no cigarettes.

7:15- Arrived at work and got quite a few things knocked out.

7:50- Met Rebecca at the door as she was coming into the office. Bummed one smoke off of here while I filled her in on the details of my trip this weekend.

11:15- was at drugstore buying gum...urge to purchase cigarettes overwhelming. Purchased nastiest cigarettes known to man: GPC Menthol Full Flavored. (believe me, ass tastes better.)

11:17- Took two drags off of nastiest cigarette known to man, stubbed it out.

2:25- Braved another nasty cigarette, again, two drags and I was done.

5:00- Stopped at store on way home, brought proper cigarettes.

5:15- Smoked one cigarette on balcony.

Now, I intend on smoking only one more today, right before I go to bed.

My system for tomorrow is as follows. I will take one good cigarette with me to the office. I can smoke it at a time of my choosing, but once it's gone, that's it.
Then once I am home I will smoke one cigarette on the balcony and another just before bed.

I don't really have problems with not smoking at home...except for the after work and before bed cigarettes, so I'll allow myself those. However, work is a problem and I feel like if for the next few days I give myself that one real cigarette to look forward to, I'll be better off.

So. Three cigarettes a day for the next four days. Then for the next seven days after that, two a day. The seven days after that, One a day.

And then none.

I need to do this. I want to do this. And I'm going to make myself stick to it.

I don't even enjoy it anymore. I just do it because I have nothing better to do when I pick up a cigarette. So, I'm just going to do it. I've already limited myself by not allowing myself to smoke in my apartment or my new car...so I know how to handle myself when I start craving.

This will work out for me. Just another change I feel I need to make. I need to finish growing up, and the cigarettes belong in a time for me that is long past.

I'm not 19, sitting in the coffee shop listening to poetry and shitty folk music sung by college trendy lesbians anymore.

So...there's my new leaf, Sports Fans. I'm giving it up. No more smoking for Underling.

Please be as encouraging as possible.

Thanks!