Another Year Spent...

...wasting my life away at DHS.

I've mapped out a plan for 2005. Well, it's not really a map...It's more of a generalized sense of direction. I'm going to be happier this year, damn it. I'm going to figure out what I want out of life. I'm going to grad school. I'm going to stop being frustrated and angry all the time. I'm going to find the joy in life once again.

2004 was not the best year for me. Some good things happened, but some terrible things happened and I had a few realizations about the person I've become. And I don't want to live my life as the guy I've become. I don't want to spend all of my time hating everything around me so much that I feel the need to medicate myself to bed at night.

In 2005, I'm going to go to sleep with good thoughts and not allow myself to be overburdened with anxiety and fear. I'm not going to have night terrors. I'm not going to wake up in the morning with dread in my stomach. I'm going to be positive.

I'm also going to give up a few things. Most notably, I'm going to stop smoking even if it kills me. I'm not going to waste my money on it anymore. I'm going to stick to it and force myself off the damn cigarettes. Perhaps this will be the time I manage to quit.

None of these are resolutions. I don't do resolutions because resolutions are made to be broken. Instead these are promises I'm making to myself. I'm not doing any of these things for anyone but myself so I alone will be disappointed if I break them.

I started today getting out of bed at 6:00 am when my alarm went off, and putting myself in a good mood by saying a prayer of thanks for the newness of the year and the chance to make right things that have been wrong for all too long.

I think 2005 will be a very good year.